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Kathryn Mayer • Writing Out Loud

I write stuff down. writer • humorist • activist

Tornadoes, puke and copywriting

July 21, 2008 by Kate Mayer 4 Comments

Let’s just say this working, not working, freelancing, stay-at-home, flex-time, tele-commuting, blogging life I’m living is not really an on-ramp, off-ramp situation. It’s more like the movie we’ve all seen but never admit to: Chevy Chase’s European Vacation.  Remember? “Look kids, Big Ben!”  Constant chaos, but with moments of clarity, beauty and humor that make the trip worthwhile. 


Take for instance, my first, real, live, paying, back-to-work experience in um, let’s say, about 2½ kids: measured in kids, not years. (Full disclosure: I have four children. Driver’s ed to show & tell. Yes, four. All ours, and still married to their dad — as of this posting.) It was May 2007. Via PTO, I get a job. Karma for years and years of PT-whatever meetings with all those DIRTY LOOKS for freaks like me. 

Not a freebie, but a paycheck. An honest-to-goodness we’re going to pay you freelance copywriting JOB. $$ But here’s the deal: they need it tomorrow. Or the day after. Quick cash, quick turnaround. Interested? Do I want it? Duh?? They’re desperate, and lucky me, I get the job.

Except while researching and reading and writing and editing and pushing out copy from the home office (aka homework central aka the dining room), I notice the sky getting dark. Really dark. So I quick send an email to my new boss (I have a boss!) with a ‘head’s up: it’s getting dark here and we’re infamous for losing power with every thunderstorm.’ She writes back, ‘no worries, let me know when you’re back on line should power go out.’

So I continue writing. And it’s dark. Then darker. And windier. Kind of Snoopyesque:


“It was a dark and stormy night.” 
Except it’s 4:00 in the afternoon. The kids start yelling between cracks of thunder and I pull the plug on the Mac. Our house came with a 1970’s generator which gets a lot of use. It’s about to get a lot more.

But my kids aren’t screaming because of the thunder; it’s because #1 wants to use the phone and #2 says she’ll die from lightening if she does. (Oooh, look, they do love each other!)

It’s windy and then I hear what sounds like a train going through the backyard.
It’s true, what they say. Tornadoes sound like freight trains. Even teensy-weensy tornadoes.

So, yes, our little New England town experiences a little, small-town tornado. Lucky us, no major damage except downed trees, lost power, broken fences, scared kids. Neighbors didn’t do as well, and we try to help out. And we gather new respect for Mother Nature and new sympathy for Mid-Westerners who live with this daily. 

No power, no potty. But we can flush due to our handy dandy CO-producing generator which we leave on only long enough to flush toilets, run the refrigerator so we don’t lose a Costco size shopping list of groceries . . . and so I can write that first ever job I’ve had in years. YEARS. 

I’m writing and editing and writing and it’s all coming back to me and I can really still do this and the client’s going to be so happy except . . . #4 is crying and has a stomach ache and #2 won’t let him in the bathroom because she’s trying to use tampons. Then #4 pukes and then the dog …

This is not a joke. This is my life.

So now we have no power, moody teenager #1 is upset she can’t use the phone (“Geez, not even the cell?”), the youngest is
puking, #2 doesn’t understand why it’s not a good time to tampon practice because swim team starts in 2 months, #3 wants to know what do I mean I have a job what do I know how to do and where will I work and when can she use the computer and that damn dog we had to get and I’ve got a HEADACHE to beat the band.

And oooops, the generator isn’t running the fridge for some dumb-ass reason. It runs a ceiling fan, a night light, the well-pump. Oh, and the outlet the computer’s plugged into. Apparently the puking and headaches have to do with the CO fumes from the generator getting blown back into our house. Uh oh. That’s really, really not good.

I look to husband and confide: It’s a sign. The
tornado. The carbon monoxide poisoning. The puking. I’m not supposed to work. Not now. Not ever. I get my first job in eons and this is what happens!

To which he so calmly and prophetically responds: 

“You want a sign? 
That generator doesn’t work 
the fridge, 
the tv, 
the freezer 
or Crayfish’s tank,
but it works the outlet below the computer 
that you need to get that job done by tomorrow. 
That’s the sign.”

And so I get back on and start writing. 
I think he was right . . . but please don’t tell him I said so.

Out of the Loop

Comments

  1. vbjenn says

    August 2, 2008 at 7:18 pm

    In your crazy life it is good to know that somethings remain constant. (1) there are indeed signs and (2) the interpretation of those signs is what makes life interesting!

    Reply
  2. chatty says

    August 3, 2008 at 11:12 pm

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    Reply
  3. scanman says

    August 9, 2008 at 3:36 pm

    never EVER let your husband know he was right, but keep on writing because if your getting that kind of sign you need to follow what your heart tells you to do. A little carbon monoxide never killed anyone (um, that might be wrong) but what doesn’t kill you can only serve to make you stronger and more determined. (sounds like something an in-law or an idiot would say, doesn’t it?)

    Reply
  4. itsinthebalance says

    September 29, 2008 at 5:06 pm

    For the good of the country, I hope that Sarah Palin decides she needs to drop out of the race in order to manage the forced marriage/wedding of Bristol to the local high school stud. America would surely understand.

    Reply

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About Kathryn Mayer

CT writer humorist activist kathryn mayer

An irreverent storyteller with a foul mouth and big heart, Kathryn Mayer (also known by Kathy and Kate), is a writer, humorist, and activist writing out loud with humor and grace about the little moments of life with big ripples, including parenting, social issues, midlife, and, sigh, gun violence prevention. Sometimes a big deal, sometimes notMayer is national award-winning columnist, according to the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, and her essays have been recognized as Voice of the Year from SheKnows/BlogHer, named Best … Read More Here...

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