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Kathryn Mayer • Writing Out Loud

I write stuff down. writer • humorist • activist

Trolls vs. Friends. Friends Win.

December 15, 2010 by Kate Mayer 11 Comments

Trolls provoke hate on blogs, forums, and discussion.

I recently got slammed for my Abercrombie blog, for being “misogynist” and “slut-shaming little girls.” Ouch. Not exactly, my interpretation, but apparently I incited some angry feminist Abercrombie shoppers.

They call it trolling in the blog-world. And while I’d like to be all bad ass about it, it freaked me out. A lot.

Like 7th grade lunch room freak out when the popular girls all wear overalls and I’m still wearing purple toughskins with reinforced knees and suddenly realize not only am I not-cool, but I’ve broken some rule and there’s hell to be paid.

But here’s the difference: people out there have got my back. Invisible people. I’m their cyber groupie: reading their words, laughing at their tweets without them even knowing I exist. Which is creepy, but that’s what we do here: creep, until we make ourselves known.

I put it out there, not knowing what to expect. I reached out to the anonymous world of bloggers and tweeters and these pros came to my aid. Immediately.

A big hug to blogging, writing, social media geniuses All Pretty True and Life with the Campbells and Uppercase Woman. If you don’t read them, you should.

They pretty much told me like it is: real world advice I preach to my kids about internet use, but failed to implement myself. My bad.

DUH Advice for Virgin Bloggers Freaked Out Due to Hateful Comment Rants

  • Remove ability to post anonymously. People will be far nicer when they have to own their words.
  • Find your voice and make no apologies.
  • Not everyone is going to love you. Dissent is okay; hate and personal attacks are not.
  • Don’t ever let blog commenters know your address, email, or phone number. Those who hate you will relentlessly torment you. Create new email solely for blog correspondence.
  • Ask for help. Bloggers are friendly, inherently helpful and authentic. There’s room for all, with endless possibilities.
  • Decide whether to keep or remove the comments. (I’m deleting, as soon I figure out how; while I love dissent, I hate hate.)

So this is why you can’t post anonymously. Make an account. And while I’m not screening comments before they’re posted, I am kicking out the party crashers. Because this blog is my party, and now I’m wearing the overalls.


Thelma & Louise I am Not. At Work Anyways…
Virginia Gives Me Reason to Believe

Comments

  1. vbjenn says

    December 15, 2010 at 4:02 pm

    I guess that you can consider the trolls as a backhanded compliment… the blog is getting more well known! Congrats for writing well enough for people to troll!

    Reply
  2. Michelle Saunderson says

    December 15, 2010 at 5:33 pm

    Sorry, but I am laughing at your expense. I think it is funny how people get so bent out of shape. Girl, you wear those overalls well!!!!

    Reply
  3. Kelli, Kellogg, Kellzer, Calleen, Squaleen..whatever says

    December 15, 2010 at 6:59 pm

    Ok this is a HATE comment..I hate it when trolls rain on my friends’ blog parties and even on non-friends’ blogs who think like me. They should be hung by their pointy little shoes. BTW, I had those same purple toughskins. Owe it to a friend who rescued me & let me borrow her white lee overalls (indefinitely) in 7th grade – wow, I was so cool!

    Reply
  4. Robin says

    December 15, 2010 at 7:30 pm

    Stellar recovery. Rock on!

    Reply
  5. LazyMom says

    December 16, 2010 at 10:41 am

    Between the uber-Christian mommy blogs and the general red-state ones–I am sort of happy to hear there are some militant feminist bloggers. Too bad that are too sissy to leave their names. Those candy-ass little girls.
    You kick ass in you tough-skins!

    Reply
  6. Kathy (p/t writer, f/t mom) says

    December 16, 2010 at 1:04 pm

    Hey lazymom (oxymoron?) cuz what you describe is my, um, family and apparently from the last election, my town for the most part. But of all the women bashing, misogynist targets out there, they choose…me? appreciate your target and LOVE “candy-ass little girls!”

    Reply
  7. Jennifer says

    December 21, 2010 at 4:37 am

    You have arrived when the trolls find you…I think? Finding and owning your voice is key in blogging, yours comes through loud and clear. Good on ya! 🙂
    The problem with laying out the feminist card on any issue is there are too many different types of feminists to ever get concensus on anything.
    Great tips for virgin bloggers; it shows everyone you are moving forward. Keep up the good posts and passionate opinions!

    Not anonymous the name is Jennifer. 🙂

    Reply
  8. Kathy (p/t writer, f/t mom) says

    December 21, 2010 at 2:42 pm

    JENNIFER! youdabestest, woman. Thanks!

    Reply
  9. BeaDandelion says

    December 24, 2010 at 2:20 am

    I just started stalking you. But I am far from anonymous. Please, feel free to stalk me back. I need attention.

    Reply
  10. Kathy (p/t writer, f/t mom) says

    December 24, 2010 at 2:44 pm

    thx for the comment BeaDandelion — appreciate the friendly stalking!

    Reply

Trackbacks

  1. Consumers and retailers who push girls to grow up too soon says:
    February 4, 2015 at 10:39 pm

    […] need to protect myself from the Abercrombie loving feminist trolls who attacked without warning when I confessed I would not, could not, shop at perfumed slut […]

    Reply

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About Kathryn Mayer

Kathryn Mayer

An irreverent storyteller with a foul mouth and big heart, Kathryn Mayer (aka Kathy and/or Kate) is a writer, humorist, and (former) activist writing out loud with humor and grace about little life moments with big ripples, including the space between parenting and aging parents, social issues, angsty reflections of midlife, and, sigh, gun humpers. Still. Sometimes a big deal, sometimes not Mayer is a national award-winning columnist, according to the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, and her essays have been recognized as Voice of … Read More Here...

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