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Kathryn Mayer • Writing Out Loud

I write stuff down. writer • humorist • activist

Period Party: Celebrating The Curse

March 3, 2011 by Kate Mayer 21 Comments

Classic. Judy Blume? I’m so not worthy.

While we’re on the subject of teenage girls, let me tell you all about the Period Party I throw for each daughter, when, on cue at 100+ lbs in 8th grade, they get their periods.

Usually after a week of unexplained crying over Will Ferrell movies and empty cereal boxes and lunch room drama.

Keep reading. This is good.

My kids know all about periods. With 3 girls and a boy, this conversation is not the talk, but the never-ending – NEVER-EVER-ENDING conversation, about the biology, and about real-life applications of said science:

Don’t be a period baby. Tampons are your friends – your best friends. You can get pregnant when you have your period. Dogs love bathroom garbage. Say “girl stuff” to any teacher, coach or boss and pretty much do whatever you want. Flush and you pay the plumber. Hormones are a necessary evil. Crying is okay, dwelling is not. And so on.

It never ends.

So much so that after #1 got her period, she handed tampons to Boy to carry. Horrified husband freaked out, “What are you holding????”

“I dunno. They’re to catch her eggs or something.”

This is how we roll.

The same boy, after receiving his personal, five-on-one sex talk with subsequent 1980s movie for laughs, was pleased to learn about “nocturnal emissions.”

“OH! That’s when I get my period!”

We had a bit of do-over with that one.

The celebration started after I was forced kicking and screaming to read The Red Tent by a now defunct bookclub. We should so do this! I announced, and was scoffed and snickered at (why now defunct). I proceeded on my own path regardless.

Salt, chocolate, tampons & Aretha.

When Kid1, college girl, got her period, I called Grandma and three generations went out to a fancy dinner: real nice, cloth napkins (pun intended), women only – and only women who have, or had, a menstruation cycle (OMG doncha hate that term? So 6th grade girl gym class!). We drank Shirley Temples and cappuccinos. Ate expensive steak and lava cake. It was a huge hit, and the sisters left home were jealous! Kid1 also got a second piercing in her … ear, and we hit the Forever 21 or pushing 46 and other teenagey previously off-limits mall stores.

When Kid2 got her period, we expanded. Now Grandma, Kid1, the guest of honor and I went to dinner. And I added a gift bag: filled with a variety pack tampons, KY jelly, Teen Vogue, zit cream, chocolate covered pretzels, chocolate covered anything, Motrin, and a Soundtrack.

Really.

A soundtrack to bleed by: I give them music. Yeah, I said it.

And the tunes are GREAT. Here’s a partial list:

The Soundtrack to Growing Up: Music to Menstruate By

The Bitch of Living, Spring AwakeningWe’re Young And Beautiful, Carrie Underwood

A Natural Woman, Aretha Franklin

Underappreciated, Christina Aguilera

Soar, Christina Aguilera

Not Ready To Make Nice, Dixie Chicks

I Am Woman, Helen Reddy

American Woman, Lenny Kravitz

My Baby Don’t Tolerate, Lyle Lovett

You’re So Real, Matchbox Twenty

Mama, I’m A Big Girl Now, Hairspray

Emotional Rescue, The Rolling Stones

Fool To Cry, The Rolling Stones

She’s A Lady, Tom Jones

American Girl, Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers

I Don’t Know Why, Ben Kweller

liza-2526me
tolerating mom.

This is my baby girl, the last one of my clan to have a period party (barring some weird evolution Darwin-esque effect on Boy). It’s bittersweet to watch our girl grow up, but we celebrate nevertheless.

And overstepping boundaries like I ALWAYS do, I give a Period Party bag to all the new Margarets in my life: complete with music and all the goodies: tampons, trashy magazines, choco, Motrin, and KY. If and when they’re ready, they get the “Don’t Be a Period Baby” lecture as well.

It’s always a few months (years for some) down the road, when the teenagers happily discover who else got bags, that they’re not the only ones, that I wasn’t picking on them. And hopefully they take comfort in the club they’ve just entered. Or at least I hope they do, and one day become “that mom” who celebrates a little bit with their own girls. Someday.

One mom suggested a new Period Party, for those of us wondering what the hell is going on with our cycles. We’d need a new gift bag with tweezers, Evening of Primrose, wine, calcium supplements, fist-sized tampons, Spanx, and a new soundtrack, starring Lily Allen. There’s nothing wrong with Cee Lo, except I’m pretty sure he never menstruated.


Forever 46
Saving Bobbleheads from Drowning

Comments

  1. Robin K says

    March 3, 2011 at 6:25 pm

    How apropos that I am sitting here with zit cream on my face. Party time!

    Reply
  2. irishtwinsmommababybook says

    March 3, 2011 at 9:10 pm

    How awesome is this! What a beautiful way to celebrate something so confusing to a teenager! I will copy you and do the same! 🙂 (Although, hopefully I have a decade and a half times frame!)

    Reply
  3. Kathy (p/t writer, f/t mom) says

    March 3, 2011 at 9:36 pm

    @Irishtwins plenty of time girlie! so glad you’ll do the same for yours!

    @Robin “Zit cream and a bottle o wine”.. could be country western tune i could add to the playlist!

    Reply
  4. Chris (chris-thisiswhatithink.blogspot.com) says

    March 4, 2011 at 1:15 am

    Loved this post! Too bad it didnt go that way for me. Mine was early in 5th grade and totally freaked out cuz I didnt think it was time quite yet to go into full detail, just a light glossing at that point. So I was doing damage control….not partying. But I have learned for the next one when she comes along she may get the coming out party! LOL

    Reply
  5. Cheryl Wilms says

    March 4, 2011 at 6:48 pm

    Omigosh, you always get me laughing. Hahahaha ~Cheryl from The WAHM Solution

    Reply
  6. Kathy (p/t writer, f/t mom) says

    March 4, 2011 at 6:54 pm

    CherylWilms: You’re way too nice to read my stuff! It will darken your soul! STEP AWAY!

    Reply
  7. pinkim says

    March 5, 2011 at 5:19 am

    Hi There, I just found you through the bloggers over 40…and I just love this post!! What a great thing you have done! I love the way you write. I am your newest follower…Pinkim!

    TrulySimplyPink

    Reply
  8. Kathy (p/t writer, f/t mom) says

    March 5, 2011 at 2:32 pm

    welcome pinkim, thx for the kind words -great way to start my weekend!

    Reply
  9. Dorothy says

    March 5, 2011 at 11:30 pm

    I love every word. And now I have to go look for the tweezers.

    Reply
  10. vanita says

    March 6, 2011 at 4:37 am

    ok, i have three girls and one has already started her period, i guess it would be wrong to have a period party for the other two? well, the littlest is only a year, so i guess i can get away with it by the time shit hits that age, but my 2nd daughter will be 13 tomorrow and hasn’t hit that stage yet. i think this is an excellent idea but i don’t want to piss off daughter #1. i could just give #1 hers, now . . . have to read that book. by the way, i may just be slow, but KY? Why?

    Reply
  11. Jazzie Casas says

    March 7, 2011 at 3:56 am

    I’m a single dad of 2 age 2 and 5. I recently came across this article and have been reading along. This is a greate site and contains fantastic contents. Your site contains a lot of valuable information as well.

    Reply
  12. Kathy (p/t writer, f/t mom) says

    March 7, 2011 at 5:09 pm

    @vanita — party away! jump in with an IOU gift for #1. And KY??? Even those american-doll size tampons aren’t easy for first-timers. Us w 4 kids need one the size of a VW… 🙂

    Reply
  13. Kathy (p/t writer, f/t mom) says

    March 7, 2011 at 5:13 pm

    jazzie casas: spam-asas. looks like spam, smells like spam, is spam.

    Reply
  14. Jazzie Casas says

    March 10, 2011 at 8:02 am

    Oh please… Just appreciating your post and your site doesn’t makes me a spammer…

    Reply
  15. Kathy (p/t writer, f/t mom) says

    March 10, 2011 at 12:45 pm

    @jazzie — a real person! my sincere, heartfelt apologies … and thanks!!

    Reply
  16. vbjenn says

    March 10, 2011 at 8:04 pm

    Hey, I want that soundtrack!!!

    Reply
  17. Kathy (p/t writer, f/t mom) says

    March 11, 2011 at 3:43 pm

    @vbjenn: sorry, can’t. You’re too late for one, and too early for the other!

    Reply
  18. tawna6988 says

    March 24, 2011 at 2:44 am

    Blog hopping today and am your newest follower. I hope that 1 of my blogs interests you too.

    http://tawnasplan.blogspot.com
    http://btrbb.blogspot.com
    http://tawnassecret.blogspot.com

    I also do a weekend blog hop, you can link up your blog, twitter, FB, blog frog community etc on tawnasplan.blogspot.com open every Friday-Sunday!
    Thanks
    Tawna

    Reply
  19. Kathy (p/t writer, f/t mom) says

    March 24, 2011 at 2:25 pm

    Hi Tawna, thx for visiting and i’ll be sure to stop by!

    Reply

Trackbacks

  1. Why tampons are better than pads says:
    October 7, 2014 at 5:32 pm

    […] town, I’m kinda known as the period mom. But getting the ‘tween and teen females in my circle tampon-ready doesn’t have […]

    Reply
  2. Vaginas for Dummies says:
    February 26, 2015 at 9:43 pm

    […] particular, my sex-talk, this is how it works, here is the science and biology of the birds and the bees and everything in […]

    Reply

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About Kathryn Mayer

Kathryn Mayer

An irreverent storyteller with a foul mouth and big heart, Kathryn Mayer (aka Kathy and/or Kate) is a writer, humorist, and (former) activist writing out loud with humor and grace about little life moments with big ripples, including the space between parenting and aging parents, social issues, angsty reflections of midlife, and, sigh, gun humpers. Still. Sometimes a big deal, sometimes not Mayer is a national award-winning columnist, according to the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, and her essays have been recognized as Voice of … Read More Here...

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