• Home
  • As seen on …
    • Advocacy Work
  • About the writer
  • Contact Me
  • Portfolio
  • Get Involved
    • Bloglovin
    • Facebook
    • Instagram
    • LinkedIn
    • Pinterest
    • Twitter

Kathryn Mayer • Writing Out Loud

I write stuff down. writer • humorist • activist

Bullying the Refs and Watching it Happen

June 3, 2011 by Kate Mayer 13 Comments

When referees are teenagers, parents shut down the heckling

Have you threatened them? Ever?

Any kid ref: at hoops, hockey, lax, soccer, softball or baseball?

Yet another cranky post. Sorry.

Do me a favor?

Do not, repeat, DO NOT berate, harass, threaten, or intimidate student referees when watching your kid play sports.

If your kid is young enough for you to drive him to the field, tie her cleats, and put sunscreen on his nose, you should be keep your mouth shut when a ref makes a call.

Really.

All you parents hoping your kid becomes a professional, or full-scholarship soccer-softball-basketball-lacrosse-wrestling-baseball scholar, hate to break it to you, but probably not gonna happen. Especially at U11, or any sport that defines age with a U.

What will happen is this:

Your kid will grow and become a gangly, goofy teenager and decide reffing is good money. Your little Messi or Beckham may give up playing altogether.

They may not even make THE HIGH SCHOOL TEAM.  Get used to it.

Instead, they’ll opt to become an official – insert sport here – referee. They’ll go through classroom and turf/court training and take tests and buy whistles and nasty polyester shirts all because they want to be around kids and the sport they love, and make good cash doing it.  This time is not so far away, you’ll see.

And when it happens, it’s going to scare you to hear what some coaches and parents say and do from the sidelines. It’s exactly what some of you are about to do this very weekend. It’s the ref’s job to make the call, and you may not always like it. Too bad. Get over it. Keep your mouth shut, your kids are watching and learning. They always are.

Grown ups behaving badly.

Someday your kids will be the teenagers making the calls you don’t like, and while they look all grown up and mature, they’re still kids. And what you say may hurt them. Or scare them.

And when it’s not you but your coach, or a whack-job parent that is doing the scaring, don’t do nothing. Don’t sit idly by while your kid’s team continues a full barrage of threats and intimidation from both sides of the turf. Be brave enough to speak up, because you have the power to make it stop.

So go ahead and groan and heckle. Believe me, these kids can take it. They are unfortunately, used to it.

Bullying teenager referees is not a spectator sport.

But don’t allow an irrational coach to berate and intimidate my kid for a full two hours, then have some lowlife parent threaten to ‘shoot that kid in the head.’

Because if you do, I’m going to call the cops, and state board, and pursue your sorry ass to the fullest extent possible.

And I will absolutely blame the surrounding adults for not stepping in and doing something to make it stop.

That is all.


Update on My Zero Tolerance Rant
If You Give a Mom a Plunger

Comments

  1. Nancy StylenDecorDeals says

    June 3, 2011 at 11:19 pm

    First I have to say the herniated disc makes my back hurt just thinking about it!
    As for this post, my sister was always hopeful for a basketball full ride scholarship for her daughter. Didn’t happen. Now she’s hoping for a volleyball champ! Don’t think it’s gonna happen either! Why do some parents do this?

    I’m a new follower from the hop. Hope you can hop by and visit my blog too!

    Have a great weekend!
    nancy
    http://stylendecordeals.blogspot.com/

    Reply
  2. Kris says

    June 4, 2011 at 12:49 am

    I didn’t realize that most of the refs were teenagers. I couldn’t agree with you more – first it should be fun. Yes, winning is fun, but everyone is not going to be a professional whatever-sport player. Teach them to be good sports. This whole comment came out wrong but I hope you know I think this post is awesome.

    Reply
  3. Kathy (p/t writer, f/t mom) says

    June 4, 2011 at 6:50 pm

    @Nanc – thx for the visit. Back is normalesque now, and on the mend. dunno why parents do it; and sure wish they’d stop already. enuf!

    @Kris Hallooo! In our town, they’re mostly kids for soccer, lax, and hoops. Some adults here and there. Come spring/summer, college kids emerge too. But the coaches/parents don’t go after them; it’s just the ones they know they can bully. Losers.

    Reply
  4. Robin K says

    June 4, 2011 at 8:44 pm

    LOVE this photo.

    I’m glad you shared this as the perspective is awesome. Really.

    I arrived at my sons LL baseball game late the other day. My husband clued me in as to some action that I had missed. Coach threatening coach. Yeah. In a debate over a call made by the teen ump. THESE KID ARE NINE PLAYING LITTLE LEAGUE. Said coach yelled “I’m gonna hit you over the head with a baseball bat.” Yes, the kids were scared by this. And worried for their coach. When I got there, the jr. ump seemed very composed and called the remainder of the game with confidence. Amazing kid.

    Then someone hit a foul ball into the lot and hit a car. Same coach said, “Good! Hit the Porsche” I don’t know what is going on-Grown ups behaving badly for sure.

    Reply
  5. vbjenn says

    June 5, 2011 at 12:35 am

    It makes me sick to my stomach to think of how young referees are treated… It’s bad enough what is said to me at 44.

    If I were still coaching this would be required reading for all of the parents…

    I did have a parent of one of my players removed for threatening a ref… he then started threatening me, as he was being escorted from the convention center.

    Reply
  6. Birdie says

    June 7, 2011 at 1:44 am

    I found you while looking up Randall and the Badass Honey Badger. And since you said, “FOLLOW ME, PLEASE? PRETTY PLEASE?” I decided too! 🙂

    Reply
  7. Kathy (p/t writer, f/t mom) says

    June 7, 2011 at 12:03 pm

    @vbjenn Hugs.

    @Birdie: welcome fellow Randall lover!

    @Robin: Speak up. You won’t make many friends, but the kids will thx you (silently) for it!

    Reply
  8. Janis says

    June 7, 2011 at 4:51 pm

    You are absolutely RIGHT ON! My daughter reffed softball for one or two little league games in high school even as she played in high school, and swore she would not do it again. Adult refs can be rationally confronted by the coach (my husband who’s coached softball and football for years has done it quite often). But I believe kids that ref for younger ages should be treated with a bit more gentleness. It’s okay to confront them and ask a question, but it is NOT okay to berate, threaten, and do all sorts of ridiculous harrassment. Geesh. All I can say is that some parents really need to get a life.

    http://jbmthinks.com (sportsparenting)

    Reply
  9. Kathy (p/t writer, f/t mom) says

    June 7, 2011 at 5:42 pm

    Thx Janis (twitter friend @jbmthinks), for your great, reassuring comment! Crazy world out there; and with all the bully rhetoric, many a-adult could benefit from looking in a mirror.

    Reply
  10. vanita says

    June 9, 2011 at 4:30 am

    one thing i never get is how parents fail to see that their behavior influences the behaviors of their kids. In 1st grade, another student harassed my daughter for being indian and not hispanic like the majority of the kids in their class. this student also harassed a little Japanese girl by calling her chino. I got sick of it one day when my child asks me why being indian is so bad. I had the mother called into school. while waiting outside in line for the school doors to open, so i can meet with the parent and school counselor before work, an Asian lady accidentally bumped into the Hispanic woman in front of me. The woman’s response was “flippin chino”. Guess whose mama she was? Turned up in the little meeting we had. and then she has the nerve to say her kid is picking it up from other students because her family isn’t racist. flippin idiot.
    Parents need to realize that their kids learn from mom and dad’s behavior, automatically think it’s the right way to behave and then copy it.

    Reply
  11. MN Sports Scene says

    June 10, 2011 at 12:21 am

    Great perspective. How many times I have heard negative remarks from parents at games to not only the refs but also the opposing team and even in some cases their own team it makes my skin crawl. I usually offer to go buy them a big ole glass of shut the #@*# up! Cheer for your child, support the team or be quiet and keep your negative crap to yourself.

    Share your opinion with us at realsportsmoms.com!

    Reply
  12. Mouthy Housewife says

    June 13, 2011 at 12:40 am

    Well said. Your kid are so lucky to have such a kickass mom.

    Wendi

    Reply
  13. Kathy (p/t writer, f/t mom) says

    June 13, 2011 at 3:09 pm

    Thx for feedback VIBs (very-important-bloggers). Looks like loser coach is done from coaching in my fine state FOREVAHHH! Hooray! Now looking at what can be done, if anything, against nutjob parent who threatened to shoot her. Fucker.

    Reply

Leave a Reply to Mouthy Housewife Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Never Miss A Post!
Enter your email address below to receive updates in your Inbox.
No Spam. Promise.
Rams hubbard
Follow @kathykatemayer Tweets by @kathykatemayer

Categories

Lucky Me!

Archives

About Kathryn Mayer

Kathryn Mayer

An irreverent storyteller with a foul mouth and big heart, Kathryn Mayer (aka Kathy and/or Kate) is a writer, humorist, and (former) activist writing out loud with humor and grace about little life moments with big ripples, including the space between parenting and aging parents, social issues, angsty reflections of midlife, and, sigh, gun humpers. Still. Sometimes a big deal, sometimes not Mayer is a national award-winning columnist, according to the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, and her essays have been recognized as Voice of … Read More Here...

Never Miss A Post!
Enter your email address below to receive updates in your Inbox.
No Spam. Promise.
75 kate[at]kathrynmayer[dot]com
xo Kate
  • Home
  • As seen on …
  • About the writer
  • Contact Me
  • Portfolio
  • Get Involved

Copyright © 2022 Kathryn Mayer Designed By: J9 Designs