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Kathryn Mayer • Writing Out Loud

I write stuff down. writer • humorist • activist

Setting the bar yay high for New Years

January 15, 2015 by Kate Mayer 9 Comments

new year resolutionsEver wonder why baby new year ages so quickly?

Cute little naked dude January 1 with a sash and top hat, then 12 months later – whammo – he’s a straggly AARP geezer with a beard dragging the floor, hunchback, and weather-beaten, tired face with desperate eyes pleading to Ryan Seacrest to put him out of his misery?

I blame those impossible New Year’s Resolutions. They’re pathetic and set you up to fail. If you do try to make it happen, it’ll age you. Just check out father time.
father time photo: FatherTimeToBaby FatherTimeToBaby.gif

Here’s how to keep those pesky New Year’s resolutions:

Aim low.
Really low.

Here’s my plan for 2015. Give it a shot, can’t hurt.

Move. Don’t care where or how: gym, hike, bike, walk, run. Just move.

Listen more and talk less.

If you see something, say something. Call out sexist, racist, and Sandy Hook hoaxers. Even if it’s Cousin Albert. Especially if it’s Cousin Albert.

Don’t be an asshole.

Go outside. When times get rough, go outside.

Be social. You don’t need to log into real life.

Writers: reach a little. Attend a workshop. Join a writing group. Audition (Listen To Your Mother), submit (BlogHer VOTY), read out loud. Network.

Apologize more, eye-roll less, and laugh. A lot.

Don’t live your kids’ lives. You had your turn.

Be kind. There’s plenty of time to turn on the bitch factor if things go south, so always start with kindness.

Overtip.

Get your parts checked. Colonoscopy, prostrate, breasts. So you’re around in 2016 to do it all again.

Leave your phone out of it.

Post real-life on Facebook every so often so folks realize shit happens, and you’re human. Facebook just makes it easy to fake it.

Look people in the eyes.

Bring your own bags to the grocery store.

Make new friends. Keep the old. Unless they suck, then ditch them and move on. Don’t let the Eeyores ruin your good time.

Stay informed or someone else will make decisions for you. 

That’s it basically, and you’re guaranteed to keep your resolutions and not end up a tired old man come 2016. Get your holes checked, be kind, turn off your phone, get outside, listen, and laugh. A lot.


What I Want You To Know about 12-14
Not your typical ass story

Comments

  1. Lisa Schwartz says

    January 16, 2015 at 12:54 am

    This is perfect and I hope to follow through with most of it (the exercise piece, grudgingly). My 2¢ addition: Nurture your muse. Sit with her and hear her spirit. Then run off into the clouds, just the two of you. After you return, follow Kate’s advice for writers and let her rip! Thank you, Kate. You’re an inspiration is so many ways! I’m so glad we connected.

    Reply
    • Kate Mayer says

      January 16, 2015 at 1:10 pm

      i find my muse by surrounding myself with smart, generous people like you. thx for that!

      Reply
  2. Kristi Stephens Walker says

    January 18, 2015 at 2:35 am

    I’m on a solo writing retreat this weekend, hoping to make great strides with my book–laser-focused, tuned in, determined, inspired . So, naturally I’m tooling the internet reading blogs from 2010 and checking to make sure Friends really is on Netflix (it is). But I just read the entry and I’m inspired in a while new way. How glad I am to have access to your smart, funny, real smart-assery. How glad!!

    Reply
    • Kate Mayer says

      January 19, 2015 at 3:28 am

      Success is guaranteed when you set itty-bitty reasonable goals. Over achiever I am not!

      Reply
  3. Kristi Stephens Walker says

    January 18, 2015 at 2:37 am

    *whole new way. Damn spelling.

    Reply
  4. Suzanne Davenport says

    January 24, 2015 at 2:45 am

    Love this post Kate! I will start 2015 with small steps and work my way up the ladder. Getting my website for “Letters….” up to date is the first step….starting chair yoga my second step…and getting back to writing on a daily basis is my third….add in to make sure I am nice to the other person I live with and try to send goodie boxes at least once a month to my boys….I think that is a good start for me….oh…and try to have lunch more often with a lovely friend that I met long ago playing BUNKO….

    Reply
    • Kate Mayer says

      January 24, 2015 at 5:44 pm

      Over-achiever alert! But one I aim to emulate! Bravo!

      Reply

Trackbacks

  1. Resubmitting a rejected piece elsewhere for success says:
    March 18, 2015 at 6:37 pm

    […] denied, yet again, from Listen To Your Mother. This time in Boston. However as part of my ‘try, try and try again‘ resolutions for the new and improved me, I submitted my story to The Good Men Project where […]

    Reply
  2. Throwing spaghetti: a year in review - Kathryn Mayer says:
    January 5, 2016 at 1:58 pm

    […] point of this blathering post is to say last year was hugely successful because the goals I set were small, but personal, attainable, and measurable. Not much, just something. Anything to make my world a […]

    Reply

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About Kathryn Mayer

Kathryn Mayer

An irreverent storyteller with a foul mouth and big heart, Kathryn Mayer (aka Kathy and/or Kate) is a writer, humorist, and (former) activist writing out loud with humor and grace about little life moments with big ripples, including the space between parenting and aging parents, social issues, angsty reflections of midlife, and, sigh, gun humpers. Still. Sometimes a big deal, sometimes not Mayer is a national award-winning columnist, according to the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, and her essays have been recognized as Voice of … Read More Here...

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