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Kathryn Mayer • Writing Out Loud

I write stuff down. writer • humorist • activist

Fat Lady Singin’

December 30, 2008 by Kate Mayer Leave a Comment

Every flippin’ year I try not to be happy, not to kick up my heels with glee when the holidays are over, but I am. I’m frickin’ ecstatic and woman enough to admit it. Yes, I’m excited to bring Christmas out of hibernation after Thanksgiving, but with this comes the ominous knowledge of what’s to come. The endless shopping, cooking, cleaning, wrapping, working, reeling, talking, hiding, eating, preparing, driving, returning, and coupon printing, formerly known by our mothers (sexist but true) as coupon clipping.  

And my personal favorite, the never-ending lists. Real moms know naughty and nice exist in a virtual world only. Everybody gets something nice, even if what you want to give that lazy-ass-good-for-nothing-cousin is a kick square in the ass. (Can I please say ass? Can I? Please?) 


I’m really, really frickin’ happy to put it all away. It’s all I can do not to bring the boxes down and un-Christmas the house right in front of the little whoo’s before the ball drops. I want my life back without the tinsel, pine needles, expired coupons, and oops-I-forgot-to-mail-these-christmas-cards-too weighing down my purse. 

I am not the Grinch.  I love parties and holidays and time off with the husband and kids. I love bringing Christmas out of the attic and decorating the tree and lights, lights, lights in every nook and cranny of our dark wintertime house. I love the kids searching for their ornaments and arguing over whose is whose and still not too old for the Santa photo and making corn pudding and Grandma’s rolls and wanting their cousins to arrive and laughing at the snoring grandpa on the couch with shrimp tails still stuck in his beard. We’re a freaky, Norman Rockwell family, American style — with the estranged aunt, drunk relatives and silent, brooding teens lurking in the corners. It’s all totally normal, and festive and fun while it lasts, but I want it to be over. NOW.

Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if the marketing didn’t start at Halloween and the doom and gloom over what we didn’t buy forecast the economic apocalypse of American capitalism as we know it. Talk about pressure . . . please the kids, please the in-laws, please the family, now we have to save the country? Is nothing ever good enough? 

My funny, smart, rather attractive, real-writer friend is the opposite. She’s depressed before the last package is unwrapped. “It’s over,” she whispers over coffee while her kids play in the background. “Now it’s nothing but snow until March.” Perhaps that’s the other half, but for me, I’m whistling dixie. No more wrapping, no more coupons, no more “final sale,” no more mall or Target or drunk relatives, no more religion-infused dinners.  No more guilty pleasures or guilty looks. No more cookies. It’s time to hit the gym, clean the house, and reboot the soul.

To Give or Not to Give . . .
Don’t Be A Nana

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kathykatemayer

Writing out loud. Storyteller. Humorist. Activist. Newtown, CT #insidethoughts #humor #emptynest #midlife #endgunviolence #binders

Instagram post 2196712687793111127_3465815 It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood.
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#newtownct #showoff #backyardbeauty #getoutside #freshairtherapy #winterwonderland
Instagram post 2195382354598502797_3465815 Off the towering to-be-read pile and onto the read and loved stack. Snuck an hour on the couch with Lola, Rita, and Elissa this rainy day.  Highly recommend to everyone except my mom, who is nothing like Rita, except for the not so small similarity that she will remind me 1000x that she is nothing like Rita. •
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#bookshelf #tobereadpile #amreading #writersread #greatwriter #betterdaughterthaniam #memoirsofmotherhood #mothersanddaughters #connecticutwriters #agingparents #caregiver #caregiving #lovehate #saveyourself
Instagram post 2194770824244926789_3465815 Maaaa!!! Brooklyn goes to Maine. Real life reported in real time. This is way better then my weekend wrap up feel good bullshit. Way better.
Instagram post 2182800025514454810_3465815 Hitting snooze again and again. And again. Sleeping in. Lola having a super tough time getting up ‘n at ‘em this morning and wants to know why can’t the weekend start now?
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#lazydays #dogdays #10moreminutes #earlymorningthoughts #muttsofinstagram #spoileddog #luckypup
Instagram post 2170798090661998884_3465815 Wrote an essay comparing functioning government to vaginas. Healthy vag vs notsomuch. Got a lotta love for it, and a little bit of hate, but this text right here is the best!Did you vote? You better cuz a healthy government counts on it!
•#vote #voting #electionday #localelections #beheard #municipalelection #votingissexy #bethechange #electionday #resist #thinkglobalactlocal #ctpolitics #gotv #getoutthevote #createchange #writingoutloud
Instagram post 2170492134581379823_3465815 Wearing RGB and Lola to the polls. •
#Newtown #SandyHook #RBG #newtowndems #civicduty #vote #voting #electionday #localelections #beheard #bethechange #electionday #thinkglobalactlocal #ctpolitics #gotv #getoutthevote #createchange #writingoutloud
Instagram post 2169954884605058029_3465815 Voting is the #1 way to fix what’s broken, send a message, and give you platform of credibility to comment on future community decisions.Also, my sister got a llama. His name is Tina. •
•#vote #voting #electionday #localelections #beheard #bethechange #electionday #thinkglobalactlocal #ctpolitics #gotv #votelikeyouhaveayeastinfection #getoutthevote #createchange #writingoutloud #ctdems #newtowndems
#gunlawssavelives #votegunsense #enough #honorwithaction
Instagram post 2167811177147690811_3465815 Newtown: put in your calendar — don’t forget to vote Tuesday. Local elections keep out community afloat. Don’t know who to vote for? Ask some you respect. Or ask someone you don’t, and do the opposite. There’s incredibly talented candidates running. Amazeballs. •
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#vote #thinkglobalactlocal #ctpolitics #Newtown #SandyHook #imvotingalldems #ctdems #newtowndemocrats #electwomen #electmenwhoempowerwomen
Instagram post 2166442946000370589_3465815 Why can’t we have nice things?? Beto came to Newtown for #endgunviolence round table courtesy of @newtownactionalliance. The questions, especially from the students in the audience, were smart, multi-faceted, thorough, tough, and inclusive; his answers personal, smart, educated, vulnerable. He’s the real deal.Even TrumpHumper disrupter couldn’t dampen an extraordinary evening.
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#endgunviolence #futureisbright #ctdems #newtowndtc #ctagainstgunviolence #momsdemand #banassaultweapons #gunlawssavelives #votegunsense #enough #honorwithaction #supercutetoo #whycantwehavenicethings
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About Kathryn Mayer

CT writer humorist activist kathryn mayer

An irreverent storyteller with a foul mouth and big heart, Kathryn Mayer (also known by Kathy and Kate), is a writer, humorist, and activist writing out loud with humor and grace about the little moments of life with big ripples, including parenting, social issues, midlife, and, sigh, gun violence prevention. Sometimes a big deal, sometimes notMayer is national award-winning columnist, according to the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, and her essays have been recognized as Voice of the Year from SheKnows/BlogHer, named Best … Read More Here...

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