Pants & Nipples Fashion Faux Pas

The evolution of rising waistline.

All this rigmarole about teens wearing their pants too low is pathetic. That is not the problem plaguing our society today; it’s the reverse.

The public dialogue about mom jeans is well deserved: you know who you are.

But why just the moms? Middle-aged dads are guilty, guilty, guilty, with their jeans and sweatpants exposing way more black sock and sneaker than should ever be visible to the human eye (thaz right: middle aged; go ahead, do the math).

I recently saw a dad friend with his jeans pulled up to Maine.

MAINE.

So not cool.

I thought he was screwing with me.

He wasn’t.

And those sweats were closing in on his nips.

Moms, dads: take a look in the mirror. You must sense something is up (groan).

Am I really this superficial, this pathetically ignorant to the beauty within?

Yep. Pants this high is wrong, says the woman with clothes in her closet from her Little Red Corvette days.

But people? Pull down your pants. Or at least untuck your shirt. Please. And remove anything attached to your belt. You won’t need it, MacGyver, I promise.

How does that happen? How can something so cliché raise its ugly head amongst my peers?

And how did I end up here? When did “they” become “us” and – gasp – me?

Alas, I’m beginning to witness the evolution of the rising pant, because I don’t like what’s happening to my middle these days – not one bit.

It’s growing.

And I’m not feeding it.

But it has a life of its own.

The spreading of the mid-drift surpasses muffin-top status, and turns thicker, more unmanageable. Hence only higher and higher jeans tame the beast. Tuck it in, an easy fix.

And guys aren’t immune either. Newsflash dudes: your flat asses and broadening bellies are making you hike your jeans – and gasp – sweatpants way north of the border. Stop it. Don’t, gentlemen, just don’t.

It’s not the bald spots or age spots or sagging chins and deflated boobs that define a generation. It’s where we wear our jeans. Save your money on face lifts and boob jobs: turn back the clocks simply by dropping your drawers a few inches. It’ll take years off your age.

Comments

vbjenn says

February 22, 2011 at 3:36 am

I still say that if you have to hold on to your pants to walk, then they are TOO LOW!!!

Kathy (p/t writer, f/t mom) says

February 22, 2011 at 1:44 pm

absolutely. and if you have to pull them down to eat, they’re too high!

Robin K says

February 23, 2011 at 3:42 pm

Maybe we could meet somewhere in the middle middle.

scanman says

March 4, 2011 at 9:28 pm

what I want to know is why pudgie kids are wearing low cut jeans too tight and deep necklined t-shirts and have no shame? Where can I get me a can of that self confidence? Not that anyone including me wants to see that junk, I just wish I had 1/2 their self esteem.

bethannchiles.com says

March 5, 2011 at 12:47 am

I love it. My waist has pretty much disappeared…not that I ever had much of one but it used to at least look like I had a shape other than bulgie. Thanks for making me laugh tonight! Love all of the visuals that your writing gave me!

Kathy (p/t writer, f/t mom) says

March 5, 2011 at 2:37 pm

bethannchiles —

sigh.

oh where, oh where did my tiny waist go; oh where or where can it be????

glad to make you giggle! come back when you need a laugh or two!

Kathy (p/t writer, f/t mom) says

March 5, 2011 at 2:42 pm

scanman — YOU.GOT.THAT.RIGHT.
it’s all about that confidence.

Let’s do this. Let’s walk around like we’re 16: bold and beautiful. w/o the drawers around our ankles. These days, my boobs would be around my ankles too!

tmi.

apologies.

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