Took 5 teenage girls (because I am that cool), one miserable 11-year-old boy and one bald rather attractive husband (because I am that stupid) shopping because I am looking for the Mom-of-the-Year medal and didn’t want to sit through the Bieber movie.
Actually, after days of listening to:
I caved.
So we went. And our testosterone laden shoppers hightailed it to the nirvana of Dick’s Sporting Goods where Boy exclaimed in a star-struck whisper, “I wish I could live here.”
The girls floated through the new Teen Mecca and single-handedly reversed the recession, blowing through their entire soccer reffing kitty – except for Kid2 as she is desperately saving for a car and hates to shop.
Just like her mother. Something must be genetically wrong with us.
But I have a job. And bosslady wants to see me once a week.
Which is fine, except my clothes are, um, dated, and my ass, is um, larger. And while I show well once in a while, usually seated at a restaurant after a few bottles of vino with the lights low. Daytime appearances in full light is quite different. And frightening.
So I shopped.
But can you believe this?
NOTHING in Forever 21 store fit me. Not that I tried it on. Not that I even got past the door as the bouncy bouncers at the storefront were ID-ing customers. They up&downed me like I was at the 8th grade homecoming dance in a dress my mom made. If only they had Forever 21 and not Caldor, the ’70s would have gone much easier for me.
The Forever 21 sugars up & downed me then corralled all pocketbook hugging mammas directly to the cash registers to foot the bill. I know later in life they’ll be the same wenches at Lord & Taylor saying, “No, no honey. Uh-uh. You can’t afford to shop here. Keep on walking.”
So I went searching for the fat & forty stores, but they don’t call them that so you have to really look.
Which is where I found my twin. It was like lookin’ in a mirror. I’m the one in front:
You’re hilarious! I was at the mall last night and I saw that 2 story, really well lit store from afar. Since the only girl in the family is only 2, I have a few more years to put that off!
Oh goodness, we don’t even have a Forever 21 here, my poor deprived tween. I could tell which twin you were because of your dark hair, there is no foolin me!
So smokin’ hot! The One in front.
Very funny post. Made me laugh. A lot.
Yours in Forever Fifty,
Robin
No photo shop necessary: it’s all me people! My back hurts from the contortions, and I wish you could’ve seen my teen team paparazzi: out w their cells, snapping up ALL.OF.THAT. My 15 minutes…
I found you through a comment you left on my hubby’s Huffington Post most recent post with your link on it .His name is Peter Zucker and he writes for education.
You are hilarious! Everything you write about hits home for me(47 mom to 10 yr old son,just returned to full time job designing evening bags after 10 years as a freelancer from home). I even went on twitter to make a comment on here as you are just too funny and love your writing style. I am looking forward to following your blog-you rock! Thanks for making me laugh-Valerie
Morning 😀
Although it’s Saturday I am still Friday blog hopping, there are so many hops on a Friday now I don’t know whether I am coming or going. Excellent photo opportunity there!
Hope you have a great week. Please pop by and say hello if you have a few minutes.
Helen x
http://acraftykindoftruffle.blogspot.com
LOL… your blog definitely makes me laugh and I can so follow along with your trials and tribulations..
Leslie
Your newest follower
Tranquil Acres of Alexandria
Great post! My granddaughters love,love love ( yes, they love) the Forever 21 store but they have found a new accessory store which is all color coded and now the pleas are “Nana, we have to go”. I can not remember the name, but I think it is Charlie and….something??
Visiting from the Friday Follow.
Shawn
Thanks for comments people! I really wish blogger would let me reply each one sep, but alas, i’m technically challenged and don’t know how.
@bronx we’re cyber twins, you can read about your life here, if not too painful in duplicate!
@leslie tranquil acres… i so want that!
@shawn: you take your grandkids to Forever 21? Hippest grandma in town no doubt! Take mine. Please.