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Kathryn Mayer • Writing Out Loud

I write stuff down. writer • humorist • activist

This is Only a Test

March 30, 2011 by Kate Mayer 1 Comment

Same orthodontist, 10 years running.

Gave my rather attractive husband an unannounced pop-quiz.

And glad to say he passed, and in fact, is still alive today to brag about it.

Not because he actually passed, but he was smart enough to keep his mouth shut about what he doesn’t know. This post is sure to piss-off the dads at Dadcentric, but fellas? It’s my life.

Here’s how it went down:

See, you may have heard I have a job now. And my boss lady like to meet and talk about, work. And because she’s smart and savvy kinda fun to be around and is in fact paying me, I like to talk to her.

But the orthodontist doesn’t know this, and the appointment conveniently scheduled 6 months ago for 8:30 am is in direct conflict to my weekly meeting.

In steps my rather attractive husband. Or rather, I threw him into the ring.

You know where this is going, right?

This appointment was for Boy, kid#4, our fourth kid to see the same exact orthodontist who has treated every one of our kids. We are, in fact, the sole contributor to his lavish 401K. Kid1 has had a used car’s worth of jaw realignment and teeth straightening and is, today, painstakingly gorgeous: one 3 month appointment at a time since 2nd grade.

We’ve been seeing Dave, our miracle worker orthodontist, for a decade. He drives a motorcycle and plays Twisted Sister and Van Halen in the office.

Boy says: “He’s pretty cool, you know, for an old guy.”

But the kids’ sperm donor father seems to have selectively missed this expensive portion of the childrearing years.

So when the orthodontist-work conflict arose, I didn’t ask, but rather dictated he needed to take Boy to the appointment, then directly to school.

And rather attractive husband did not balk, quaver, or hesitate. And he did not ask where said orthodontist was located (learned that lesson in 2007 when he asked where the pediatrician’s office was). He didn’t ask what time school started. He simply said,

“Okay.”

Good job.

When leaving simultaneously from our suburban cocoon, before he drove out of sight, he did manage to roll down the window and ask,

“Exit 5, right?”

So close. We were so close.

We were so close to domestic bliss I could taste it. But I give him an A for effort, and an A+ for the smarts to ask from the safety of a moving vehicle.


Playing Marco-Polo at Work
I’m Not Talking about the Abercrombie Bikini and You Can’t Make Me

Comments

  1. Robin K says

    March 30, 2011 at 4:41 pm

    During our rundown this am, I told my Husb I was going to get my head cut off today. He nodded. Lots going on here. Ha!

    Love the pattern and color of the braces!

    Reply

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About Kathryn Mayer

Kathryn Mayer

An irreverent storyteller with a foul mouth and big heart, Kathryn Mayer (aka Kathy and/or Kate) is a writer, humorist, and activist writing out loud with humor and grace about little life moments with big ripples, including the space between parenting and aging parents, social issues, angsty reflections of midlife, and, sigh, gun humpers. Still. Sometimes a big deal, sometimes not Mayer is a national award-winning columnist, according to the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, and her essays have been recognized as Voice of the Year … Read More Here...

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