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Kathryn Mayer • Writing Out Loud

I write stuff down. writer • humorist • activist

If You Give a Mom Some Tweezers…

August 11, 2011 by Kate Mayer 5 Comments

The absolute one thing I must bring on vacation is ….. drumrolllllll…..

TWEEZERS.

Because, well, the hairs growing out of my chinny-chin-chin are abundant. Once rare, they now seem to form a sparse 5:00 shadow, in a desolate sort of way. So tweezers are my mainstay. Over lipstick. Over tampons. Over moisturizer. This was my must-have item to be left with on a desert island.

Tweezers.

But no more.

Because if you give a 46 and 11/12ths mom some tweezers, you better give her some cheaters to go with them. Because there’s nothing growing on her face that she can recognize without the 1.75+ readers balanced on her nose.

Because you can’t see the shit growing on your lip. Or chin. Or neck. Or runaway eyebrow patch. If you can’t see it, you don’t know it’s there because your rather attractive husband is blind also, and the cheap drugstore readers don’t seek out whiskers.

So from 45 forward, if you don’t want to be that woman with a beard, this is the most important thing to take on vacation:


Do it. Because even though you think you don’t care, when you return from a week away from home, to good lighting, sharp tweezers and a big ass, honeybadger mirror, you know you’re going entirely freak over the survival of the fittest Darwinian experiment growing on your chin.Forget the make-up and sunscreen. Don’t worry about flip-flops and underwear and swimsuit.

Take the 10x mirror and tweezers. And the readers; don’t forget the cheating reader glasses so you can grab those hairs once you find them.


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Comments

  1. vanita says

    August 11, 2011 at 8:38 pm

    LOL. Why wait until 45? You can damn well start at 35. Your husband is an awesome man. Seriously. Mine is blindly in love too.

    Reply
  2. irishtwinsmommababybook says

    August 11, 2011 at 11:55 pm

    Yeah, I can’t forget my tweezers at 31!!!!!!!!!! I hate it when I’m at work all day (don’t have time in the morning to scout for some strays) and see myself in the mirror and scream!!!!!!!! 🙂 Great post!!!

    Reply
  3. Deborah says

    August 13, 2011 at 11:33 am

    LOL … I’m 46 and this is soo true! My lovely partner is blind too (thankfully) it means I can still pull off an attempt at looking gorgeous if I swipe his glasses! :o)

    Reply
  4. Kathy (p/t writer, f/t mom) says

    August 14, 2011 at 8:10 pm

    Just returned from vaca and needed to take a weedwacker to to my chin. The 10x mirror DID NOT WORK with the light from the sunshine nor full moon!

    Reply
  5. Robin K says

    August 14, 2011 at 9:22 pm

    Better than fingernail plucking at the chin. Yeah. That’s me. Chin up, lower lip pursed. Gawd.

    Reply

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About Kathryn Mayer

Kathryn Mayer

An irreverent storyteller with a foul mouth and big heart, Kathryn Mayer (aka Kathy and/or Kate) is a writer, humorist, and (former) activist writing out loud with humor and grace about little life moments with big ripples, including the space between parenting and aging parents, social issues, angsty reflections of midlife, and, sigh, gun humpers. Still. Sometimes a big deal, sometimes not Mayer is a national award-winning columnist, according to the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, and her essays have been recognized as Voice of … Read More Here...

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