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| Can bosses and worker bees be friends? |
Getting a bit harder around here to separate work from pleasure. It’s some unwritten rule, but perhaps those rules are changing.
You may remember I love my job. Don’t mean to brag in this tough economic climate, but I am anyways. I LOVE MY JOB. And the honeymoon is long over; I’m actually approaching the 1-year mark.
I love this job where I get to say what I want to say, experiment with different ideas and not worry about failing, and work with some pretty hot-shot people. Some I like, some like me. Some think I’m a freak of nature, and they’re mostly right.
The owner of the company, Bosslady, is pretty incredible. She’s crazy smart, brave, and above all, kind. She gets it. She’s never patronizing, has high expectations, and she too, thinks I’m a freak of nature. Mostly due to parenting, as she’s got little kids and is far removed from my world of teenage angst.
She is not my co-worker.
She’s not my manager.
She’s not my friend.
She’s the top-dog. This business is her baby and she’s responsible for making it work day in and day out. She takes the responsibility of providing a livelihood for her some 90 employees very, very seriously.
She’s tough. She hires and fires people. Big people. People way farther up the food chain than I.
I know in my brain that should have on the mega-filter when meeting with her, but nobody told that to my mouth. I share too much about real life: kids, condoms, husbands. I reveal waaaay too much of what I don’t know, and haven’t figured out quite yet. although she’s paying me well to know it. And I brainstorm the dumbest ideas, and she reacts with enthusiasm and encouragement. Or not.
Can we be friends? Can we hang out? Originally I felt No-Friggin’-Way, but I read (aka listened to the download read by the author!!) the Zappos book Delivering Happiness, by owner/founder Tony Hsieh, and while it’s amazing and inspiring on a thousand different levels, one section keeps coming back to me.
He hired his friends. And their friends. He hired like-minded people to work together.
So maybe we can be friends?
As a boss I tried to be friends with people I hired. BIG MISTAKE. They took advantage of me and my niceness and I ended up hurt (personally and professionally). I will never again be friends with someone who works for me.
good point. client had same thing happen to him: longtime employee who grew up in biz ended up STEALING from trusting boss. broke his heart, but not enough from filing charges.
I was friends with the last three people that hired me. Centuries ago. Two from the same company. VPs, Dept. Heads, there were sticky times to be sure but all parties involved were able to handle things professionally and move on. Successfully. We spent a lot of time together due to the nature of the jobs, extensive travel, etc. Experienced a ton with those folks. One died; I was lucky enough to speak at his company memorial service. The other two are good friends today.
For me the “sticky times” we’re more than worth it!
Years and years ago–another lifetime almost–I wrote an article for MLLE Magazine called something like, “Can You Be Friends With An Ex-Lover?” The answer was–yes, as long as you both understand and respect the boundaries. I think it’s pretty much the same for bosses.
I think if she is a good boss, which it sounds Iike she is, then it seems you can be friends. Friends respect each other and are honest, so what more is there really?
@Robin they’re lucky to have you as a friend! Sigh… i hope I have co-workers so enchanted they speak kindly at my funeral.
@ByJane the similarities are profound. I think i’d have an easier time with a boss than an ex-lover. Definitely.
@Andrea She is a good boss. And a better person. You win.
I actually was friends with my department manager. i loved that guy. i probably still do. you know, in a friend way. but then he became general manager, and with it came pressures and decisions that he didn’t want to make. months before i left, after being friends for 6 of the 8 years i was there, our relationship soured. i understood that he had to do what he had to do and i know he didn’t like doing it, but it changed him and killed our friendship. I miss that guy terribly. your boss, being the owner, it may not be so bad, plus from what i’ve been reading, she seems pretty great. you got very lucky sugar, but i think they’re even luckier to have you.
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I think that it’s perhaps not a wise die to be friends with your manager because at the end of the day, they are your manager. They are the ones that are responsible or play a tremens roll in your reviews, if you get them regualry, and whether you remain employed there and making friends with them just makes that business stuff all the more difficult. That’doesn’t mean you can’t be civil to them or professional…but I just think it’s better to have those boundaries in place.
@vanita: i know i know i know. i’m a bad blog friend; swamped w paying work (good news) and little time for real work (blogging). u r the bestest.
@mominsanity: am treading lightly, but damn, i like this chick! Boundaries firmly in place. thx!