• Home
  • As seen on …
    • Advocacy Work
  • About the writer
  • Contact Me
  • Portfolio
  • Get Involved
    • Bloglovin
    • Facebook
    • Instagram
    • LinkedIn
    • Pinterest
    • Twitter

Kathryn Mayer • Writing Out Loud

I write stuff down. writer • humorist • activist

How to Choose the Right Team for Your Kid

March 21, 2012 by Kate Mayer 8 Comments

Spring has sprung, and the U13 boys lacrosse teams have been chosen for the highly competitive youth lax season in my little town, where everybody is going to play on a full athletic Division 1 scholarship in just 6 or 7 short years. Word.

i don't care what team my kid is on, as long as its a carpool
Gimme a parent who can appreciate a ref’s tight, tidy whities.

This vast pool of extreme athletic talent consists of primarily 6th and 7th grade boys, very few with armpit hair, with the occasional 5th grader thrown in due to wacky birth dates.

(Which is, you may recall, how Boy was last year introduced to new vocab word prevalent in middle school: douche bag.)

While Facebook was alive with parental concern over their little prodigy being on the A team or B team, good team or shitty team, Gold team, Blue team or Douche Bag team, I selfishly had my own major concern of team placement.

It’s the same concern at every highly competitive drafting event, regardless of the ball they’re chasing after:

1. Carpool: First and foremost. Put my kid on a team with somebody who can drive.

2. Non-psycho coach. Preferably unrelated, but if it must be a parent, please have the necessary anger management skills and grasp of reality in place.

3. CVs, resumes, or better yet, Facebook passwords of all sideline parents prior so I can practice proper ass placement, especially during this election year.

That’s it. Carpool, coaches with a clue, personality profiles on all sideline parents.

Let’s play ball.


Steal This Post.
Secrets of the Traveling Va-Jay-Jay

Comments

  1. Andrea says

    March 22, 2012 at 2:15 am

    And a practice night that doesn’t conflict with eleventy-seven other things (hence the carpool requirements)

    Reply
    • Kathy (p/t writer, f/t mom) says

      March 22, 2012 at 12:26 pm

      I should have added that: no practice Friday night. I’m so done being a mom at about 7:15 pm!

      Reply
  2. irishtwinsmommababybook says

    March 22, 2012 at 2:42 am

    Smart woman!!!!!!

    Reply
    • Kathy (p/t writer, f/t mom) says

      March 22, 2012 at 12:27 pm

      I think I have you fooled. Notsosmart; good mom, but notsosmart!

      Reply
  3. Robin K says

    March 22, 2012 at 11:19 am

    I sure hope this trends.

    Reply
    • Kathy (p/t writer, f/t mom) says

      March 22, 2012 at 12:28 pm

      Hope it doesn’t trend in my town or my carpooling options will be nil and my kid will sit the bench!

      Reply
  4. Melissa B says

    March 28, 2012 at 1:04 pm

    Love it! Thankfully, both of my kids’ teams (in their case, spring soccer and baseball) are pre-done, as they’re the same teams as last year and soccer just goes and goes and never ends. But, WORD, nonetheless.

    Reply
  5. The Empress says

    March 31, 2012 at 4:20 pm

    My gosh, but you’re funny.

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Never Miss A Post!
Enter your email address below to receive updates in your Inbox.
No Spam. Promise.
Rams hubbard
Follow @kathykatemayer Tweets by @kathykatemayer

kathykatemayer

I’m so grateful & happy this sister of mine is c I’m so grateful & happy this sister of mine is celebrating another birthday! Happy birthday @jennifer.mayer.589 — wishing you much success  on the court and off!
Happy birthday plus a day to this grownass amazing Happy birthday plus a day to this grownass amazing woman.Spoiled for sure -- me, not her.  Never her, kid3. (Or him.) Just me, and super glad & grateful for it.•#grownandflown #proudmom #brooklynbrains #brooklynbeauty #offthepayroll #emptynest
Not dead yet. Thankfully. Most days. • #vaccin Not dead yet.Thankfully.Most days.•#vaccinated #mostly #upfromthegraveshearose #yesimeantSHE #sisterpower #missingsandra
Welcome back. Getting the blog back together. See Welcome back.Getting the blog back together. See you soon.•#writing #blogging #storytelling #getit? #willigetsuedforthis #welcomeback #backinthesaddleagain #cnf #essaywriting #wordsmatter #memoir #reallife #funnynotfunny #canyouhearmenow
It’s hard to keep up with the shooting hashtags. It’s hard to keep up with the shooting hashtags.We don't need to live(and die)like this.We really don't.•#guncontrolnow #endgunviolence #guncontrol #backgroundchecks #banweaponsofwar #onlyinamerica
“Who owns that baby?” • #signsofspring #lola “Who owns that baby?”•#signsofspring #lolasnewfriend #ididntstealthisbaby #neighbors #spring #viewfromnewtown #imtheoldladyonthestreet #gottabuyicepops
Can't you smell that smell? I have a really funny Can't you smell that smell?I have a really funny story about growing up and hating this🍀aroma but...now that restrictions are liftedwith white supremacy armed and at the ready,and mass shootings resumed,with Asians in the cross hairs,I'm just not feeling all that festive.•#stpatricksday #cornedbeefandcabbage #irish #homegrownterrorist #whitesupremacyisterrorism #hatecrime #misogyny #endgunviolence #disarmhate #stopasianhate
This woman right here is going places! Congratula This woman right here is going places!Congratulations @bradyanne on passing your exam and aiming high! World is lucky to have you!Hire her!
Bird watching, morning edition. When a squirrel m Bird watching, morning edition.When a squirrel makes an appearance, the dog shakes and quivers like she drank my entire cup of coffee. She can barely believe their audacity and tries to use superhero dog powers to chase them away from the comfort of her perch.•#lola #dogslife #squirrelwatching #birdwatching #bluejaysarebullies
Load More... Follow on Instagram

Categories

Lucky Me!

Archives

About Kathryn Mayer

Kathryn Mayer

An irreverent storyteller with a foul mouth and big heart, Kathryn Mayer (aka Kathy and/or Kate) is a writer, humorist, and activist writing out loud with humor and grace about little life moments with big ripples, including the space between parenting and aging parents, social issues, angsty reflections of midlife, and, sigh, gun humpers. Still. Sometimes a big deal, sometimes not Mayer is a national award-winning columnist, according to the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, and her essays have been recognized as Voice of the Year … Read More Here...

Never Miss A Post!
Enter your email address below to receive updates in your Inbox.
No Spam. Promise.
75 kate[at]kathrynmayer[dot]com
xo Kate
  • Home
  • As seen on …
  • About the writer
  • Contact Me
  • Portfolio
  • Get Involved

Copyright © 2021 Kathryn Mayer Designed By: J9 Designs