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Kathryn Mayer • Writing Out Loud

I write stuff down. writer • humorist • activist

A Container Store for My Brain

March 6, 2012 by Kate Mayer 9 Comments

Recently I asked an overly organized friend to come over and make me more like her, and less like me.

I confided I spend more time tracking info scribbled on receipts, folders, notepads, and menus; emails forgotten in draft form; to do lists left undone; a thousand ideas hidden in thousands of places, than I actually spend doing the work itself.

Makes you want to run right out and hire this copywriter STAT, eh?

But the work I do is good, oftentimes great, that is if I can remember where it is I jotted down that brilliant idea and actually what that idea was supposed to illuminate and who it was intended for and when it was actually due.

I had visions of her coming over with fancy matching file folders, cute little baskets, and Container Store doo-dads and bulletin boards with cute tacks and little wire hooks to keep all the little cords hanging easily accessible for charging and whatever all those little cords do.

True.

She came over, took a look around and said, and I quote:

“I see nothing wrong with your organizational structure. The problem you have is all up here.” And she did a little tap-tap-tap to the temple.

Rather attractive husband snorted, the fucker, LOUDLY, and I heard him.

“Seriously, it’s all okay here,” she said with a Vanna White swoop of the desk. “It’s inside where you’re a mess.”

Great.

“Kate, your plans are fine, you just aren’t implementing them.”

The only reason I’m not implementing the organizational structure is that I have too many folders, with too many emails, and can’t find the scissors – and shit, I forgot Boy at soccer – and where are my ear phones, and conference call at 10, and the stapler’s empty and – no I’m not scheduling teeth cleanings for the fall – and so is the ink cartridge and – school needs a check for $4.50 and who the f writes checks anymore? and the wi-fi is fucking down again and I’m not sure if I submitted these receipts or where this check came from and – is this chicken too old to eat – and yes we can go Prom shoe shopping Sunday – and I’m not sure if the video uploaded to your website, I think it did? and yes I know the dog died but no, we did not kill it, and I can absolutely finish this by Friday but first my daughter’s heart is broken and I need to go kick some high school boy ass – wait: the Jehovah’s are at the door – and layover rat dog just puked and I just friggin’ stepped in it  – and the car is in the shop, maybe under warranty, maybe not – and of course I can meet to discuss your social media campaign.

Organize that, would ya please, with nice matching baskets and clearly labeled, easily accessible file folders? And an electronic version would be very much appreciated as well at your earliest convenience.


Giving BernDog Bacon
And the LTYM winners are … Um, are you sure?

Comments

  1. MODERN MOM says

    March 6, 2012 at 7:42 pm

    LMAO! Sounds like what is in my brain!!!

    Reply
    • Kathy (p/t writer, f/t mom) says

      March 8, 2012 at 1:11 pm

      Just you wait girlie, when school starts you’ll be amazed at all the other info you’ll jam in there!

      Reply
  2. Andrea says

    March 7, 2012 at 12:12 am

    I have gone to my friend’s house to help her get organized…now I just go over there to keep putting things back…that is a tough thing to get and I fight it in myself everyday…put it away, or just rest it right here where it’s convenient…..then life happens to make things messy!

    Reply
    • Kathy (p/t writer, f/t mom) says

      March 8, 2012 at 1:11 pm

      Can you come to my house? pretty please?

      Reply
  3. Robin K says

    March 7, 2012 at 3:13 pm

    Listen to Your Mother!

    Reply
    • Kathy (p/t writer, f/t mom) says

      March 8, 2012 at 1:12 pm

      my mother was a slob too. not dirty, just messy. OH! THAT?!?!?! Listen To Your Mother NYC here I come!! woot!

      Reply
  4. vanita says

    March 8, 2012 at 4:19 am

    Woman your desk is so neat it puts mine to shame. Man I just realized I forgot to ask hubby if I need to mail anything from the big package he brought home from the tax guy to get our state refund or if he filed electronically and how much do we owe uncle Sam again and wait! I’ve got to order uniforms fir septemeber tbis month? And where did I leave my now 14 year old’s SS card so she can get her working permit and we news to start applying for summer youth employment programs when and are any of the toddlers behind on vaccines and do I need to take grandma to physical therapy this week cause I forgot to arrange the share a ride service and wait tomorrow is a Hindu holiday and we r out of incense and yes I can build u a complete website in 48 hours but can it wait until after lunch and OMG hello sistah!

    Reply
    • Kathy (p/t writer, f/t mom) says

      March 8, 2012 at 1:12 pm

      I cleaned it up for the photo. How we don’t lose a kid in the chaos I’ll never know!

      Reply
  5. scanman says

    April 25, 2012 at 4:02 am

    I can relate with my recipes more so than my desk, I have 800 jotted down ,scribbled out clipped, ripped and stollen recipes all ove my house stuffed in 12 different cookbooks and I still can’t find the one I’m looking for. I couldn’t even organize what my thoughts are, they too are scattered to the wind.

    Reply

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Kathryn Mayer

An irreverent storyteller with a foul mouth and big heart, Kathryn Mayer (aka Kathy and/or Kate) is a writer, humorist, and activist writing out loud with humor and grace about little life moments with big ripples, including the space between parenting and aging parents, social issues, angsty reflections of midlife, and, sigh, gun humpers. Still. Sometimes a big deal, sometimes not Mayer is a national award-winning columnist, according to the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, and her essays have been recognized as Voice of the Year … Read More Here...

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