A Container Store for My Brain

Recently I asked an overly organized friend to come over and make me more like her, and less like me.

I confided I spend more time tracking info scribbled on receipts, folders, notepads, and menus; emails forgotten in draft form; to do lists left undone; a thousand ideas hidden in thousands of places, than I actually spend doing the work itself.

Makes you want to run right out and hire this copywriter STAT, eh?

But the work I do is good, oftentimes great, that is if I can remember where it is I jotted down that brilliant idea and actually what that idea was supposed to illuminate and who it was intended for and when it was actually due.

I had visions of her coming over with fancy matching file folders, cute little baskets, and Container Store doo-dads and bulletin boards with cute tacks and little wire hooks to keep all the little cords hanging easily accessible for charging and whatever all those little cords do.

True.

She came over, took a look around and said, and I quote:

“I see nothing wrong with your organizational structure. The problem you have is all up here.” And she did a little tap-tap-tap to the temple.

Rather attractive husband snorted, the fucker, LOUDLY, and I heard him.

“Seriously, it’s all okay here,” she said with a Vanna White swoop of the desk. “It’s inside where you’re a mess.”

Great.

“Kate, your plans are fine, you just aren’t implementing them.”

The only reason I’m not implementing the organizational structure is that I have too many folders, with too many emails, and can’t find the scissors – and shit, I forgot Boy at soccer – and where are my ear phones, and conference call at 10, and the stapler’s empty and – no I’m not scheduling teeth cleanings for the fall – and so is the ink cartridge and – school needs a check for $4.50 and who the f writes checks anymore? and the wi-fi is fucking down again and I’m not sure if I submitted these receipts or where this check came from and – is this chicken too old to eat – and yes we can go Prom shoe shopping Sunday – and I’m not sure if the video uploaded to your website, I think it did? and yes I know the dog died but no, we did not kill it, and I can absolutely finish this by Friday but first my daughter’s heart is broken and I need to go kick some high school boy ass – wait: the Jehovah’s are at the door – and layover rat dog just puked and I just friggin’ stepped in it  – and the car is in the shop, maybe under warranty, maybe not – and of course I can meet to discuss your social media campaign.

Organize that, would ya please, with nice matching baskets and clearly labeled, easily accessible file folders? And an electronic version would be very much appreciated as well at your earliest convenience.