Writing Your Professional Bio

First it was a headshot, and now they want a bio.

Like I’m a frickin’ rock star or something. Which I’m not, but not for lack of trying.

The Listen To Your Mother NYC performance is fast approaching (May 6th 2:00 pm), and the wonderful producers who have said bios and headshots are publishing Meet The Cast posts on the LTYM website, and eventually, it became my turn.

I scoured my brain to come up with something – anything – that made me seem… ummm, “substantial.”

I got nothing.

Except maybe this:

1. The 8th Grade Lecture: I give a now famous 8th grade speech. Didn’t realize it was famous until Kid3 was at her 8th grade dance, and tons of older teenagers started reciting the rules from memory.

2. Attacked a Coach: I once went after a coach for being a raving lunatic. Kid at the game: “Man, you shoulda seen Boy’s Mom throw DOWN!”  Totally backfired: everyone thought I was his wife.

3. Yesenia. Pseudo-Moms to a Fresh Air Fund tike I met when she was barely 7. She’s now making her way out of the South Bronx and gonna do something with her life. She’s 19, not pregnant and aiming for college. WIN.

4. Kid2 can read. After years of fighting the schools, my kid finally got the reading help she needed and nobody got (too badly) hurt in the process. I do have a restraining order against me by several administrators, but they can just suck it cuz my girl is looking at smarty pants colleges at this very moment.

5. I pierced my nose and ran the NYC marathon when I turned 40. Yes, I’m still talking about that.

6. ….?

Seriously, I spent hours trying to find something of merit to compete with the other LTYM rockstars. These writers have substantial credentials: books, movies, plays, by-lines, portfolios, agents, book signings, columns, blogs with massive followings, and several – several – have the all-time bragging rights of Oprah. Seriously.

Once upon a time, I worked for Rolling Stone Magazine. Yep, that Rolling Stone and it was that cool. I quit in 198something to live-in-sin with my rather attractive boyfriend. I made him promise that I would leave New York only if I would never look back and say Rolling Stone was the highpoint of my career.

And it’s not. I’ve got great kids, a rather attractive husband, a job that pays well, honest friends, and a town I love to call home.

And now that I’m a fancy pants presenter at Listen To Your Mother, I have my very own bio as well. If you think I am making it up, I am, and you can read all about it here.

And really that’s enough for me. Because honestly? Rolling Stone would most definitely frown upon my 8th grade speech.