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Kathryn Mayer • Writing Out Loud

I write stuff down. writer • humorist • activist

Sparkly Lip Gloss and the F Bomb

September 26, 2012 by Kate Mayer 17 Comments

Flirting get a little overwhelming on the school busBoy came got off the bus really, really happy, which hasn’t been the case all year since apparently the 7th grade girls, or at least two of them, have decided he’s cute.

Really, really cute.

Boy has been riding the bus to middle school for about a month now, a 6:27 am bus ride that the older, hairier high school kids insist be silent, because well, duh, it’s 6:30 in the frickin’ morning and these kids are tired.

But that doesn’t stop two bubbly, very awake 7th grade girls from constantly babbling for the whole bus to hear, their undying affection for um, my kid.

Apparently my boy is a chick magnet. Whudda thunk it?

“There’s your boyfriend Emma! There’s Boy! 
Don’t you just loooove Boy?” 
“Are you wearing sparkly lip gloss for Boy, Emma? 
“Boy, Emma’s wearing sparkly lip gloss just for youuuuuuuu!”

It’s relentless, I swear. Every day, a different story. It’s How the World Turns, middle school edition.

Boy, I assure you, wants nothing to do with sparkly lip glossed girls, but he is very intrigued with the curly hair boy who plays lacrosse on the high school team and has the coolest sneakers EVER. “I mean like ever, Mom. They’re the coolest EVER.”

But sparkly lip gloss?

Not so much.

Enter Kid3 to the rescue. There’s nothing like an ex-7th grade girl, now a lurking, somewhat gorgeous but I may be a tad biased, 5’10 honest-to-goodness HIGH SCHOOL girl to put on a cape and rescue her little brother.

Makes my heart all a’flutter. Look Rather Attractive Husband – they don’t hate each other!

So when Kid3 was forced to ride the bus instead of being chauffeured by Kid2, (I’m-too-cool-to-take-the-bus-because-I’m-a-senior-even-though-gas-is-$4-a-gallon-and-I-drive-an-8-cylinder-pick-up), big little sister sprang into action.

note: Please read this with appropriate squealing, giggling, ooohing and ahhhing with girlspeak volume turned up to about 8 on an otherwise silent diesel engine school bus.

Setting: Crowded school bus filled with grades 7-12. Last stop, completely jammed bus. Budget yo’. Sophomore Kid3 is in the way back. In front of her, Sparkling Lip Gloss Girl Emma and Freckly Friend. Couple seats ahead, Boy squeezed in with Curly Hair High School Lacrosse Playing BoyMan.

Freckled Friend: “Therrrreeee he isssss! Your boyyyyyfriend Boy! He’s soooooooo cute, doncha just think he’s cuuuuute? Doncha wish you could sit with him?”

Sparkly Lip Gloss Girl: “Ooooooh! Boy’s on the bus! Yaaayyy! Oooooh, Hiiiiiiiiii Boyyyyy. Hiiiiii!

Freckled Friend: “Emma likes you Boooyyyyyy. She reeeeeealllllly likes you!”

Freckled Friend: “Emmma, are you wearing sparkly lip gloss? Are you wearing sparkly lip gloss for Booooyyyyy?”

drumroll please:

Kid3: [leaning forward and folding her praying mantis frame up and over the seats, wedges her face nose-to-nose between the two teenybopper stalkers.

YOU GIRLS NEED TO SHUT THE FUCK UP. LIKE NOW.

Silence.

Curly Hair High School Lacrosse BoyMan: [Looking straight ahead, elbows jabs Boy]
Hey. She your sister?

Boy: Yep.

Curly Hair High School Lacrosse BoyMan: Thank her for me.


Why I Miss Commuting to Work
Hurting in Newtown

Comments

  1. Renee Anne says

    September 26, 2012 at 10:46 pm

    Awesome.

    That is all.

    Reply
    • Kathy (p/t writer, f/t mom) says

      September 27, 2012 at 1:58 pm

      i thought so too!

      Reply
  2. Andrea says

    September 26, 2012 at 11:39 pm

    What a rock star! That is an awesome story, and fine example of sibling bonding!

    Reply
    • Kathy (p/t writer, f/t mom) says

      September 27, 2012 at 1:59 pm

      She’s his hero now. Although she’s tormenting him with “sparkly lip gloss” mocking!

      Reply
  3. Deborah says

    September 27, 2012 at 2:41 am

    That story oozes coolness.

    Reply
    • Kathy (p/t writer, f/t mom) says

      September 27, 2012 at 2:01 pm

      My kids are soooo not cool. I think they’re cool, and you think they’re cool, but the cool kids, they think they’re freakoid nerds. Which is okay with me, cuz we all know where those cool kids and their sparkly lip gloss end up! (Thx for visiting Deborah, kinda feel a celebrity stopped by!)

      Reply
  4. Mia says

    September 27, 2012 at 10:12 pm

    So cute and what a great big sis! I hope my kids will do that for each other when they get bigger!

    Reply
    • Kathy (p/t writer, f/t mom) says

      September 28, 2012 at 1:38 pm

      Sometimes they surprise you…mine did me!

      Reply
  5. Elle says

    September 27, 2012 at 10:17 pm

    That is so cool! You go, big sis!

    Reply
    • Kathy (p/t writer, f/t mom) says

      September 28, 2012 at 1:38 pm

      She’s really a quiet kid, flies under the radar. She’s glowing with her new badass reputation now, at least amongst 7th graders!

      Reply
  6. vbjenn says

    September 29, 2012 at 9:45 pm

    Gee wish my sister had done something like that for me…. 🙂

    Oh wait it’s coming back to me now…

    Reply
    • Kathy (p/t writer, f/t mom) says

      October 1, 2012 at 1:28 pm

      shhhhhhh. don’t talk about it. Facebook may be listening!

      Reply
  7. vanita says

    October 1, 2012 at 11:05 pm

    older sisters Rock! my boy has two to watch his back. he’s extra lucky.

    Reply
    • Kathy (p/t writer, f/t mom) says

      October 2, 2012 at 1:01 pm

      lucky boy indeed! xo

      Reply
  8. Robin K says

    October 3, 2012 at 4:05 pm

    They don’t fall far from the tree.

    Reply

Trackbacks

  1. valentines day doesn't disappoint says:
    January 27, 2015 at 6:44 pm

    […] Aww, sibling love. […]

    Reply
  2. A Blog Grows Up: The Big Switcharoo Begins - Kathryn Mayer says:
    February 3, 2015 at 12:06 am

    […] Well, right here in my handy-dandy 1980s black artist portfolio!! Let me just get it out of the trunk of my car, under the protest signs, jocks, water bottles, blankets, wet towels, empty coffee cups, bikini bottoms???? (not to self: major birth-control refresher ASAP for Kids 1, 2, 3 but please, please, please Darwin, no-way, no-how, not Number 4) […]

    Reply

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About Kathryn Mayer

Kathryn Mayer

An irreverent storyteller with a foul mouth and big heart, Kathryn Mayer (aka Kathy and/or Kate) is a writer, humorist, and (former) activist writing out loud with humor and grace about little life moments with big ripples, including the space between parenting and aging parents, social issues, angsty reflections of midlife, and, sigh, gun humpers. Still. Sometimes a big deal, sometimes not Mayer is a national award-winning columnist, according to the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, and her essays have been recognized as Voice of … Read More Here...

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