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Kathryn Mayer • Writing Out Loud

I write stuff down. writer • humorist • activist

What I Want You To Know about 12-14

December 17, 2014 by Kate Mayer 36 Comments

When a birthday falls on the horrific Sandy Hook anniversary After the Sandy Hook shooting, December 14th is forever remembered the world over as the worst of times, as it should be.

Except when it’s not.

Here in Newtown, there was a huge push in the days following the shooting to rename the horrific massacre 12-14 to save the stigma from being directly associated with Newtown and Sandy Hook.

But you never heard that from me, as I ignored such pleas because December 14 remains, even now, one of my very brightest days.

December 14 is my girl’s birthday.

Sadly, Kid2 was forced to forfeit her birthday because of the horror the day bestowed on her hometown, to children she loved, to families and friends she knows too well.

She removed her birthday from Facebook, begged family and friends to ignore it, and refused to acknowledge a birthday at all. She cringed at reminders, and outright denied salutations. Cards left unopened, gifts on closet floors, text messages and calls unreturned. Privately friends reached out, afraid to acknowledge that they knew her birthday is forever painted in a nightmare of memory, but wanting her to know she matters to them. That she matters at all.

She left for college committed to forgetting that 12-14 meant anything more than a horrid reminder. She was anxious to forget she shared the calendar, and was committed to creating a new day, if at all possible.

But this is what I want you to know: this kid represents all that is good and powerful and kind. She is, in fact, Newtown. And she does indeed matter and I want everyone to know it.

She lives and breathes positivity. She loves her home, her town, her family, friends and community. She lifeguards her summers away and coaches little swimmers on a recreational swim team, coaxing them from one end of the pool to the other, with a celebratory happy dance and plenty of Swedish fish and Jolly Ranchers. She talks tough teen stuff with middle school girls and gives them hope and aspirations for kinder days ahead. She drives a pick-up and blasts country music wearing sweats and cowboy boots. She can change the oil, brakes and water pump in her car and yours, all while singing at the top of her lungs. She can arm wrestle and whup your ass while her nails are drying. She’s 100% muscle and 100% heart and 0% filter, which can often get her into trouble when inside thoughts become audible.

Newtown celebrates all that is good and kindShe’s a lot like Dori from Finding Nemo. Except way smarter. And faster. But just as dedicated, kind, and loyal.

She cheers obnoxiously loud for her sisters and brother, without necessary knowing the rules or rhythm of the game. She is always the loudest for the player or swimmer most unlikely to win. She has the heart of a Grinch, no patience for drama and emotional boo-hoo, yet cried uncontrollably when a boy she loved broke her heart. She once texted me from the bathroom of a swim meet: “I am NEVER having kids. Not EVER.” She eats more than a man. A big man. I live tweeted her first date. When a competing swim coach announced, perhaps a bit too loudly,  girls weren’t as strong as boys, she immediately challenged him to pull-up competition. “Let’s do this now, sucker,” to the delight of her 12 and under squad.

She’s a collegiate athlete majoring in mechanical engineering and going to Namibia next year to build … I don’t know what. Despite all odds, she’s a really good driver. She’s a complete slob who rarely showers and hasn’t combed her hair since 2010 – if then. She’s read precisely one book (not assigned) her entire life, but can’t remember the title or the plot. She can’t follow a movie or stay awake much past 10:00 pm. She’ll only watch shows if someone gets hit in the head with something unexpectedly or if Will Ferrell or Melissa McCarthy stars. The dumber the better.

I’m trying to introduce you. I want you to meet her. I want you to know her. This is what she’s like.

She’s a terrific, annoying, and loyal sister. She is a steadfast friend and confidant. She is prettier than should be allowed and gets much too much attention for her looks, which fails to compare to quality of her character. She thinks farts are funny. Bloopers are better. She insists Elf is quite possibly the best movie ever made. And she’s a bit bad-ass as well, and quite the realist.

Wearing her green bracelets around campus, her lab partner asked her what’s up with all the green. “Sandy Hook.” No recognition. “Newtown? Sandy Hook School?” The partner stared blankly. “The shooting?” Still nothing.

“Seriously? No clue? Nothing? Dead kids ring a bell? Nope? Well, then you’re a fucking asshole and I’m out!” She stormed to the prof’s office, demanded a new lab partner and got one.

When she asked to watch Breaking Bad, because everyone at school was talking about it and she couldn’t chime in, I begged her not to. “Please don’t. I just don’t want you to see how dark and horrid the world can be.”

“Really? Mom, seriously? I already know.”

Smiling is her favorite. Still. She is brave, strong, funny, beautiful, and brilliant. She is above all kind, loud, slightly inappropriate, and always optimistic. She aims to be the kind of person you want to be around. And she is.

Before Sandy Hook shooting, birthdays happenedShe is a shining light every day, and a beacon of hope for all that is good in the world, even on – especially on – those darkest days.

On that horrific day in December two years ago, it was her 18th birthday. And when the tears slowed and sobs somewhat subsided, she tattooed a Sandy Hook ribbon on her hip, high enough to be hidden, yet clearly visible from her home away from home, on the pool deck or lifeguard chair.

A permanent memorial of the darkest day on the brightest December 14 light that continues to make my life brighter, and now perhaps yours.

Happy, happy birthday to my strong, beautiful, kind, bad ass, not-so-little, little girl.

 

*Please commit to doing any action possible to make a positive change where you live, so our story doesn’t become your story. Join a group in your community. Create kindness. Send an email. Be a friend. Find a cause. Share on Facebook. Hold a sign. Make a difference. VOTE.

Hurting in Newtown (repost)
Setting the bar yay high for New Years

Comments

  1. Robin says

    December 18, 2014 at 3:48 pm

    Love all of these mattering traits (and truck skills 🙂 Nothing like a birth to remind us of all that is good and possible. And yes has made mine brighter too.

    “A permanent memorial of the darkest day on the brightest December 14 light that continues to make my life brighter, and now perhaps yours.”

    Reply
    • Kate Mayer says

      December 19, 2014 at 5:00 pm

      nothing like a girl in a pick up truck! appreciate the visit, the read, and the kindness.

      Reply
  2. Diane says

    December 18, 2014 at 11:22 pm

    Kate, that is really, really wonderful. I didn’t know about her birthday…maybe she can officially have it changed to her half-birthday. If you can change your name, you should be able to change your birthday.

    Reply
    • Kate Mayer says

      December 19, 2014 at 1:25 pm

      thanks, but she doesn’t want to change it; she just wants folks to know newtown is more than just what happened. xo

      Reply
  3. Beckett Kohl-Condon says

    December 19, 2014 at 8:17 pm

    Kate, had to share to those near and far. What a beautiful tribute to your special girl. You are an exceptional writer and it is such a great pleasure working with you and knowing you… the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree… xo

    Reply
    • Kate Mayer says

      December 19, 2014 at 10:11 pm

      you’re too nice, thx. that’s how it goes w girls, as you’re quickly learning: you love them, but every so often need to stab them with a fork.

      Reply
  4. Robbie says

    January 18, 2015 at 6:35 pm

    This is magnificent! Your daughter sounds wonderful and a bit of a bad ass!! She will go far in life and I love that she is making sure people know.

    Reply
    • Kate Mayer says

      January 19, 2015 at 3:27 am

      Thank you kindly, and know full well this apple fell far from the tree! thx for the read!

      Reply
  5. Nancy Anderson says

    March 17, 2015 at 1:10 am

    Kate, enjoyed listening to balls & Baginas, Thank you for waiting it out last week in Hartford….little by little it all adds up to great things!

    Reply
    • Kate Mayer says

      March 18, 2015 at 6:42 pm

      thx for reading & listening Nancy! So appreciate the support ~klm

      Reply
  6. Carla says

    December 14, 2015 at 3:15 pm

    Oh mama. You have done so so so well with that one 🙂 I can only hope mine continues to blossom and turns out as yours did.

    <3

    Reply
    • Kate Mayer says

      December 14, 2015 at 3:21 pm

      Thank you, and hugs and hugs and hugs. Especially today of all days.

      Reply
  7. Elaine Ambrose says

    December 14, 2015 at 3:33 pm

    Thanks, Kate, for mothering this strong and marvelous young woman. Please forward my wishes for a most splendid birthday.

    Reply
    • Kate Mayer says

      December 14, 2015 at 9:46 pm

      Thx for reading & caring!

      Reply
  8. Tam Warner Minton says

    December 14, 2015 at 3:38 pm

    What a beautiful tribute to your daughter, and her heart, which is obviously huge. Her day may be besmirched by Newtown, but she should still allow people to celebrate her birth! Especially those who were there on that special day. She sounds wonderful, and you are truly blessed to have her with you.

    Reply
    • Kate Mayer says

      December 14, 2015 at 9:47 pm

      she is wonderful. newtown helped make her so

      Reply
  9. Jan Wilberg says

    December 14, 2015 at 3:42 pm

    Your post made me miss my daughters.

    Reply
    • Kate Mayer says

      December 14, 2015 at 9:48 pm

      Miss them, and love ’em up ever chance you get!

      Reply
  10. Terry Sagedy says

    December 14, 2015 at 5:30 pm

    Love this so much! On so many levels. Hope is the answer!

    Reply
    • Kate Mayer says

      December 14, 2015 at 9:51 pm

      xo. Big fat XO to you Terry

      Reply
  11. Risa says

    December 14, 2015 at 6:56 pm

    Kate, I guess I didn’t realize our girls share a birthday. She sounds like a completely outstanding human being. You have every right to be proud of her. My girl survived open heart surgery as an infant, spent a total of 4 months in intensive care, almost lost her a couple of times. She’s a fighter and always lands on her feet, no matter what. Now she is a mother of two and a bad ass nurse who works out at 5:30 am before work and makes all manner of preserves and jams and bread, etc., and her time management skills put me to shame. In my mind, what happened in your town will always be associated with 12/14–but we have two shining lights in our lives, and may they celebrate this day however they choose. Love to you and your girl today.

    Reply
    • Kate Mayer says

      December 14, 2015 at 9:51 pm

      Happy birthday to your girl, and thank her for making the world a better place.

      Reply
  12. Laura Turcotte says

    December 14, 2015 at 9:37 pm

    This is beautiful!! Your daughter is what I am hoping my little girl will turn out to be, to be her own person. Thank you for the lovely post. Brought tears to my eyes, it was so beautiful!

    Reply
    • Kate Mayer says

      December 14, 2015 at 9:52 pm

      Thx for the read and awesome comment. What a gift you gave me. Hug from Newtown

      Reply
  13. T says

    December 14, 2015 at 9:41 pm

    I am a 9/11 birthday..alas, 30 days prior to that horrific date.
    I didn’t know any of the victims of Sandy Hook personally, but I feel like I know every one of them in my heart.
    I went to bed last night, after putting my 5 year old to bed, going up to say goodnight to my 16 year old and texting my 18 year old away at college, thinking how so many of those parents did the same thing that night. This morning, as I dropped the kindergartner off at school, tears rolled down my face just thinking of all those babies.
    Thank you for sharing your sweet daughter with us. I personally would be mortified if my kids did not know what the words Sandy Hook Elementary meant. Your daughter is a bright light, as all our kids are, in this evil world. Kids help us remember that there is more good and good can overcome evil, even if it means something as simple as a ribbon tattoo to always remind us of those taken from our hearts. Thanks for sharing your story.

    Reply
    • Kate Mayer says

      December 14, 2015 at 9:54 pm

      Thx for reading my story, and working to stop it from happen ending again. And again.

      Reply
  14. Kathleen says

    December 14, 2015 at 9:48 pm

    Today is Andrew’s birthday too.

    Reply
    • Kate Mayer says

      December 14, 2015 at 9:56 pm

      I realized that just recently, and so wanted to share this w you. Glad you found it, and let A know he is what makes Newtown resilient, strong & proud. xo

      Reply
  15. Joyce Kuzmick says

    December 15, 2015 at 10:13 am

    How very beautiful Kate. I feel so very fortunate to have known all of you during my time in Newtown. Your family is an example of what makes Newtown so great. Knowing you and your kids, that apple fell right into their very being. Keep doing what you do – you are amazing. Newtown is often in my thoughts, but especially during all of December. Hugs.

    Reply
    • Kate Mayer says

      December 15, 2015 at 1:09 pm

      You helped grow our kids, and for that I am forever grateful. xo

      Reply
  16. Michelle Chase says

    December 13, 2016 at 11:54 pm

    Love you kid2… (even though you don’t know us … we know you) ?happy birthday you amazing girl. As usual oustanding realistic funny Kathy Kate xoxo newtown ??#neverforget

    Reply
  17. Tim says

    December 14, 2016 at 9:57 am

    Awesome – thanks for sharing and brightening up 12-14

    Reply
  18. Ken Pliszka says

    December 15, 2018 at 8:26 am

    Nice one Kate. She’s a good kid…parenting helps…you and Brad should be proud.

    Reply
    • Kate Mayer says

      December 17, 2018 at 1:54 pm

      Thanks Ken! xo

      Reply

Trackbacks

  1. 26 Days of Kindness honors Sandy Hook victims - Kathryn Mayer says:
    November 20, 2015 at 7:36 pm

    […] The 26 Days of Kindness is a social media campaign of compassion started by former Sandy Hook student Ashley Peterson, who encourages people to practice a charitable act each day, for the 26 days leading up to December 14th. […]

    Reply
  2. 26 Days of Kindness honors Sandy Hook victims - Kathryn Mayer says:
    November 20, 2015 at 7:36 pm

    […] The 26 Days of Kindness is a social media campaign of compassion started by former Sandy Hook student Ashley Peterson, who encourages people to practice a charitable act each day, for the 26 days leading up to December 14th. […]

    Reply

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About Kathryn Mayer

Kathryn Mayer

An irreverent storyteller with a foul mouth and big heart, Kathryn Mayer (aka Kathy and/or Kate) is a writer, humorist, and (former) activist writing out loud with humor and grace about little life moments with big ripples, including the space between parenting and aging parents, social issues, angsty reflections of midlife, and, sigh, gun humpers. Still. Sometimes a big deal, sometimes not Mayer is a national award-winning columnist, according to the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, and her essays have been recognized as Voice of … Read More Here...

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