Four kids, three schools (one’s in college so that ship has sailed). We’re down to three open houses this year: elementary, middle and high school. Two down, one to go. I’m trying to become that coveted trust agent in my immediate network of friends and neighbors, ie the other parents at my kids’ schools. I swear I’m trying, but it’s really, really hard.I’m trying to befriend everyone as I know, be nice and kind whether deep down I like them or not, I’m an informed, educated, professional woman using my own network to catapult me into a career to earn some $ to pay for a swim team that is pathetically overpriced because my own town abandoned all efforts to find our rec team a pool in time … ooops, I digress my anger.
Back to the nut-jobs at open house.
For god’s sake, where do these parents come from? Seriously! We all misspeak at kindergarten, convinced we have the only advanced, gifted, precocious yet charming child in town. But after that the water should have surely leveled out. We’re talking 5th and 8th grade for pete’s sake!
Why in front of a full audience make it all about your little genius? Your kid’s anger management issues? Your ability to fork over the $500 for the field trip, despite half the class has one, or two, unemployed ‘rents? Snack time – are you out of your mind? – for your tubbo 8th grader? Special books because Jimmy’s read every book on the syllabus?
My favorite: a separate set of books at home so mommy can read along while junior does her homework. Like one time through 8th grade wasn’t torturous enough. Personally, I’d rather be in active labor than an 8th grade girl again.
This is not parent-teacher conferences. This is Open House.
The only thing spouting off your kids’ mighty achievements does is to wave one big fat red flag at this parent saying: nope, no sleepovers there. No group projects and no book fair volunteering with that windbag. And I’m checking every roster we sign up for to make sure your names aren’t on it. Freaks.
Okay, I’ll be kinder, gentler writer tomorrow. Or maybe the day after – high school open house is tonight. Can’t wait.
Think of the poor kids that have to sit in class day after day with the off-spring of those freaks!
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Right on. We have a substitute for the first few weeks, because one of the teachers had 1. knee surgery complications and while he was home with that issue, 2. his long-awaited adoption came through. He came to open house to talk to the parents, and people were actually chastising him for taking a few weeks off because little Johnny can’t handle transitions. I believe there are special schools for 11-year-olds who can’t handle transitions.
Of course, Little Johnny sits right across from my kid. When questions about Little Johnny, my kid said, “He’s a pain in the butt.” Surprise, surprise.
MS open house…mom who keeps raising hand to say that her child can’t keep organized, and who will help him stay organized….why does this woman think that a room that’s the size of my sub-zero fridge, filled with 100+ adults with a 95 degree heat….is the place to talk about her disorganized son….AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I didn’t attend either open house because of my work schedule (and probably just a bad parent). Any guilt I may have felt has been assuaged by not being mentioned in your blog :-).
Awww, you gotta go to Open House – if at all possible! It’s our one chance to get the info straight from the teacher’s mouth to our ears, and not smooshed with rotten banana from the bottom of a backpack sometime in March. And really, if it weren’t for all “those parents,” we wouldn’t know what a good job we were doing! It’s a nice little focus group we get to witness with our own eyes.
Oh and one more thing… if you are the last parent there, the last time slot of the night (MS & HS) then it is time for you to LEAVE!!!
(Yes, I do teach HS, why do you ask?)
Mom was talking and talking and talking…. dad arrived, looked around and said “What are you doing?? Ms________ has been here since 6am, we need to LEAVE!” Thanks Mr. Parent!
I do love the open house for the Giant red flags… thank God for caller id ,no you are not going to that house!!!
So true!! I do love open house – but for the purpose of sitting quietly and listening to what the teachers have to share…hearing things first-hand (not from my children and not from my husband, who never brings home any details). If open houses were held first thing in the morning, I might consider those red flag comments as comic relief/people watching humor, but at 8pm after a full day of work, it becomes painful. C’mon people! Stop and listen to yourself before you speak…
It’s hard to not hold the parents obtrusive behavior against their kids…
Teachers have mastered this art, but for me it’s a yearly struggle!
LOL-
Thanks Kathy for the laugh. I can say I do agree with you, being the parent of a 8th grader myself.
Here is my funny for all of you. Last year at a open house. A parent asks… “Well! how many teachers with my child have in a day?!!!” and the teacher replied back. Isn’t the correct question “How many students do I have to put up with in a day?” I actually cracked up laughing… Go Go Teacher!
Toadally — thx for seeing the humor! I posted this on momsite — and really, quite a few didn’t get it. Thought I wasn’t being empathetic to parents concerns. Hooboy! I get the concerns, just save it for facetime with the teacher!
You crack me up! Sadly, this is so true.
Thankfully, you see the humor. The assaulting parents are pissed off because they don’t recognized themselves. Or perhaps, they do recognize themselves and are miffed I don’t want to hear about their little darling for 20 minutes on a Tuesday night, crammed into a sweltering middle school where half the kids that day opted out of deodorant. Probably the same half whose parents are spouting off their accomplishments when evening falls!
The image of a mom being concerned about snacks for her 8th grader made me giggle. What’s up with the whole snack thing, anyway? Like our children aren’t going to be able to make it to the next meal without crackers and fruit to get them through. It’s ridiculous.
Plus also?
What’s up with all the anonymous comments on your blog?
That’s odd.
You came! You read! I have butterflies like an 8th grade girl flirting with a hunky lifeguard! Um, that was awkward.
Anonymous posts were prior to blogging guru kris @Pretty All True telling me to lose them, and institute the FUCK YOU policy due to nasty-ass trolls. (after attack of the abercrombie feminists trolls)
They exist cuz sweetheart, I’m f’ing old. And my old friends/colleagues read me can’t navigate google accounts. Or figure out how to post via any other avenue. Sheez, either can I. So they’re anonymous. And now invisible. But still stop me in the store, school, swimmeets, and soccer to comment. Which is kinda cool. *blush*
LOL! Too funny! 🙂 I was looking up about Open Houses since this will be my first one for my kindergartner and came across this. I think I’m more looking forward to attending one just to see which ones to look out for. 😉 Thanks for the laugh!
kindergarten open house is the best. all the parents are young and excited and not quite so wacky … yet. Good luck with your k-kid and love ’em up, cuz they grow all too fast (OMG I’m that old lady in the grocery store doling out grandma advice! HOW DID I GET HERE?? I used to be you, not that long ago!!!)
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So hilarious, laughing out loud just as much as the first time. Only now I’ve got a little more “vision”
“Windbag” oh yes. As mom of an only, now five minutes from 16, I clearly remember my very first open house (kindergarten) and the monopolizer-of-teacher-time-parent in full rant about her kid. Like I didn’t feel wind-tunneled enough that night.
Perspective is an amazing thing.