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Kathryn Mayer • Writing Out Loud

I write stuff down. writer • humorist • activist

Saving Bobbleheads from Drowning

March 7, 2011 by Kate Mayer 8 Comments

My aging parents’ basement flooded and somehow I was the lifeline called when Mom and Dad stepped knee-deep into floating cat litter.

Seems Eduardo may not have put in the best drainage system under their new patio, so torrential rain let A River Run Through It despite 40 years – FORTY EFFing YEARS – of dry basement.

The big thaw brought white caps and gurgling sounds coming from multiple crevices where walls meet floor.

Which my dad can’t hear because he can’t find the hearing aid batteries. Which I’m sure he conveniently lost to mute my mother running around in her hot-pink crocs trying desperately to save floating tax returns from 1987.

Two wet vacs, three kids, two adults, a pink-croc wearing Chicken Little, and a Deaf Dad. Trying to save boxes upon bags upon teetering piles of valuable merchandise stuff.

Crazy valuable. If you follow Pickers. Or Antique Road Show.

But we’re approaching Hoarders. And fast.

My parents are academics. Intellectuals. History and antique buffs. Which means everything has a story, and those stories hold the power to replace 401k’s. Which they can, with time, but not soaking wet.

Time has run out.

Because even if Bobble Head Bill Clinton is valuable, he’s worth nothing found belly up floating in a river of despair.

And I’m running out of favors to offer my rather attractive husband who wet-vacked ALL NIGHT LONG to save what he thinks might someday might land us a beach house, but I know will only get us a mold allergy.

My grandmother saved yard sticks and tartar sauce packets. My mom promised never to do that.

Sell the stuff, because it’s worth nothing wet.

And really, we don’t want the Hess trucks and yards of authentic Turkish wool and political paraphernalia and the Porsche hard top.

Even if, yes, even if, it is extraordinary rare and has a great story.


Period Party: Celebrating The Curse
Anxiously Awaiting Payday Again

Comments

  1. vanita says

    March 7, 2011 at 7:54 pm

    Let your parents know they’ve got the best Son-In-law EVER, cause if it were me, I’d hand my MIL some scuba gear and sit back for the show.

    Reply
  2. vbjenn says

    March 7, 2011 at 8:44 pm

    Hmmm… living 3 states away has its benefits… flashbacks of the washer overflow circa 1978-ish

    Reply
  3. Kathy (p/t writer, f/t mom) says

    March 7, 2011 at 8:44 pm

    he is the bestest, isn’t he? He dealt with them cuz he knew it’d kill me. I can handle his parents, he can handle mine.

    Reply
  4. Kathy (p/t writer, f/t mom) says

    March 7, 2011 at 8:46 pm

    DO THE MATH vbjenn:
    1978 + 33 years of STUFF = U OWE US BIGTIME.

    Reply
  5. Michelle Saunderson says

    March 8, 2011 at 6:41 pm

    Sounds like my parents! God bless you for being there to help them out.

    Reply
  6. uncommonhousewife says

    March 9, 2011 at 4:18 pm

    The question is…will this Great Flood experience change anything for them? My parents have an attic full of things that don’t have great stories. It all has sentimental value: the ceramic light-up Christmas tree that was handmade by Aunt So-and-So, my old plastic Barbie Dream House that is so brittle it’s dangerous after being stored in a HOT attic for 30+ years, Dad’s old army footlocker that’s heavy and beat up but belonged to Dad–when he was in the Army. These things are almost considered holy relics because they were touched by someone they know. Not that I’m wishing for a great attic catastrophe, but still…

    Reply
  7. Kathy (p/t writer, f/t mom) says

    March 9, 2011 at 6:12 pm

    @ uncommonhousewife: lesson so not learned. And believe me, much more junk than value. But they see value in the junk; what they need is a dumpster, but not in the short-term plans. ugh.

    @michelle!! No blessng here; as w deluge predicted 4 tomorrow; I’ve already passed the buck and taken phone on silence. going to your site http://msaunderson.blogspot.com/ — need complete update and sign of spring!

    Reply

Trackbacks

  1. When the basement floods and life goes floating by says:
    February 1, 2019 at 10:30 am

    […] story originally appeared on KathrynMayer.com in 2011, and the basement has remained dry since, has been somewhat organized, but still, so much […]

    Reply

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About Kathryn Mayer

Kathryn Mayer

An irreverent storyteller with a foul mouth and big heart, Kathryn Mayer (aka Kathy and/or Kate) is a writer, humorist, and activist writing out loud with humor and grace about little life moments with big ripples, including the space between parenting and aging parents, social issues, angsty reflections of midlife, and, sigh, gun humpers. Still. Sometimes a big deal, sometimes not Mayer is a national award-winning columnist, according to the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, and her essays have been recognized as Voice of the Year … Read More Here...

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