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Kathryn Mayer • Writing Out Loud

I write stuff down. writer • humorist • activist

Hurting in Newtown

December 17, 2012 by Kate Mayer 35 Comments

Roadside memorials popping up all over Newtown CTThe media is suffocating, clogging the roads and parking lots with bright lights and satellite dishes and polished professionals putting on too much makeup in their caravans before venturing out to stick a camera in our weary faces.But I don’t want them to go away.

Because as hard as it is to see my quiet sleepy town on the 24 hour news cycle, it is far far worse to turn on the television … or twitter or facebook … and not see it.

To see life resume, with Christmas specials and NFL games and reality shows that in no way mirror the nightmare we who call Newtown home are living.

I don’t want people to think the hurting is over, because it’s only just begun.

We can’t change the channel. We can’t resume regular scheduled programming.

The memorials loom large on street corners, schools, firehouses, and churches. Tear stained faces sob from grocery store aisles. No one is merry and bright.

When you watch the news, you’re seeing my friends, family, and neighbors. You see, I know these dead kids. I know these dead teachers. I know the survivors and first responders. We all do. It’s why we live here: we made our home in a town where everybody knows everybody, and that happens here every day, and now on the darkest days.

The texts and emails rolled in from afar …”OMG! Newtown! Did you know anybody?”

This is Newtown. We know everybody.

We are connected, we are strong, and everyone who lives here knows we are never alone. But far too many of my friends and neighbors are quite distinctly separate now. They experienced a grief that I can’t begin to fathom. My family came home.

I am used to juggling December with work and games and holiday concerts and shopping. I am not used to trying to fit so many funerals and wakes into such a short period of time, while trying desperately to reassure my kids and husband that everything is going to be okay. Because I am not so sure it is.

*I used to write this blog anonymously: small town, small state. No longer. Please read back thru to see a somewhat accurate, yet often snarky, picture of “before” … before you all knew the place I love to call home: Newtown, Connecticut.


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Comments

  1. Andrea says

    December 17, 2012 at 10:15 pm

    Oh Kathy…I am so sorry for your loss, for your town.

    Reply
    • Kathy (p/t writer, f/t mom) says

      December 18, 2012 at 4:02 pm

      hug your kids.

      Reply
  2. Laurel Riley-Brown says

    December 17, 2012 at 10:15 pm

    Thanks for sharing Kathy. I am so sorry for you, your family, your neighbors, your friends, your town. We are all praying for you and we try to imagine what you are going through, but we can’t. It’s unimaginable. There are no words of comfort we can offer, we can just let you know we are here and we will never forget the heroes and the victims. Laurel

    Reply
    • Kathy (p/t writer, f/t mom) says

      December 18, 2012 at 4:03 pm

      thanks, my beautiful friend, for sharing the love.

      Reply
  3. Robin K says

    December 17, 2012 at 10:39 pm

    I have no words you know I suck at words. The feelings I have are foreign. This is really real !? Painful through the core, paralyzing yet such a yearning to want to take action too. Do something, which I will do–ugly writing. To our government. You name it. Derailed and sad- as a human, a parent, an American. Lots of other feelings that are new to be used as fuel. With you as you wade through the indescribable in your precious and strong town. In the country we call home. Love to you all.

    Reply
    • Kathy (p/t writer, f/t mom) says

      December 18, 2012 at 4:03 pm

      **hugs**

      Reply
  4. Amy Saunders Lawer says

    December 17, 2012 at 10:56 pm

    As always, you’ve poured yourself into another great piece, albeit through the pain and grief of this tragedy. While I can’t begin to fathom what you’re actually going through, my heart goes out to you, your friends, and your community. I have been praying for you daily, and hope that along with the masses of others doing so, we are collectively sending a blanket of small comfort to Newtown. There is probably little solace I can offer other than to let you know I’m here for you, and I care….Laurel is right…we’ll never forget the victims or the heroes, nor will we neglect to keep those left behind to pick up the pieces in our hearts and in our prayers. God Bless. Amy

    Reply
    • Kathy (p/t writer, f/t mom) says

      December 18, 2012 at 4:06 pm

      it’s so real and raw. yesterday saw a truckdriver pull over to the side of Rte 25, and walk to a memorial a bit removed.. He fell to his knees in tears at the reality of it all. This is everyone’s town now. xo to you my friend.

      Reply
  5. Deborah says

    December 18, 2012 at 1:52 am

    Keep writing and sharing and connecting because we want to be here for Newtown and for you! This horror show is too big for one person, one family, one town. We all need to take it on so we can lend our hearts and show our might in whatever way we need to make life bearable somehow.

    When the camera crews go, we will be here.

    Reply
    • Kir says

      December 18, 2012 at 2:34 pm

      yes, yes, …what Deborah said.
      We are here, always.

      Reply
    • Kathy (p/t writer, f/t mom) says

      December 18, 2012 at 4:07 pm

      thanks my talented friends. it is too big — it’s crushing with its enormity. thanks for sharing the burden. xo

      Reply
  6. scanman says

    December 18, 2012 at 6:04 am

    Kate, I am so upset for your “quiet little town” I know very little of what horrors you’re going through, I can only imagine, because I think about Newtown every day and just cry in pain for how such a picturesque community could have something this horrific happen to it, not that it should happen anywhere, but Newtown is an ideal place and even harder to imagine that such heart breaking evil can happen there.My thoughts, prayers,and hope for tomorrow are with all of you.

    Reply
    • Kathy (p/t writer, f/t mom) says

      December 18, 2012 at 4:08 pm

      You knew us before the world did. please remember that town.

      Reply
  7. Kir says

    December 18, 2012 at 2:33 pm

    Oh Kate.
    Oh my friend.
    I wish you knew just how much my heart is trying to share some of your burden, share the sorrow.
    I am not forgetting..and I’m here if you need anything.

    with love.

    Reply
    • Kathy (p/t writer, f/t mom) says

      December 18, 2012 at 4:08 pm

      Thanks Kir. I so appreciate your everlasting kindness.

      Reply
  8. frommywriteside says

    December 18, 2012 at 2:47 pm

    Thank you for “coming out of the closet” and sharing your pain. I live down the coast from you, and while I can’t fathom the pain that you, your neighbors, your town is in, I know how bad my own heart hurts and how often my own tears flow. I’m so very sorry that your family has to experience all of this. I will remember them all–from the littlest victim to the oldest, to the first responders and the coroners, to the community who gathered together with such unity people had to stand outside and look through windows. My love and prayers pour out to you.

    Reply
    • Kathy (p/t writer, f/t mom) says

      December 18, 2012 at 4:09 pm

      Thanks for you love. Please remember us long after the cameras leave. hug your kids. tight.

      Reply
  9. Jester Queen says

    December 18, 2012 at 8:18 pm

    My heart breaks for you, and there are no words, none, that can express what I feel, or describe what happened.

    Reply
    • Kathy (p/t writer, f/t mom) says

      December 27, 2012 at 4:26 pm

      thank you kindly. pls remember after the media has forgotten.

      Reply
  10. Stacey says

    December 19, 2012 at 7:06 am

    I am so, so sorry for your town and the great loss that you have all suffered. I grew up in a small town and know that, “yes I know everyone” feeling. There are truly no words adequate enough, but I know that across the country, there are many in my neighborhood mourning with you. I have a Kindergartner too and I can’t even begin to imagine the suffering…

    Reply
    • Kathy (p/t writer, f/t mom) says

      December 27, 2012 at 4:27 pm

      Thanks Stacey. It’s too unbelievable for words. Our town is every town. It truly is.

      Reply
  11. Mia says

    December 20, 2012 at 8:52 pm

    OMG, I didn’t realize you live in Newtown. I’m so sorry for the losses your community has suffered.

    Reply
    • Kathy (p/t writer, f/t mom) says

      December 27, 2012 at 4:28 pm

      Thanks for connecting; Newtown is hurting but we will heal. I hope.

      Reply
  12. the glazer says

    December 23, 2012 at 1:02 pm

    I am so sorry for your community and my heart breaks every time I see anything related to this tragedy. As a mom of 2 elementary school children I cant imagine the horror these poor families are going through and can only offer prayers and healing thoughts to everyone

    Reply
    • Kathy (p/t writer, f/t mom) says

      December 27, 2012 at 4:29 pm

      Thanks for writing; the pain is palpable everywhere — grocery stores, bus stops, post office. Those with victims are always in our thoughts. Thanks for keeping them in yours.

      Reply
  13. amoryg says

    December 25, 2012 at 8:14 am

    I’m so sorry. All I can say and do is pray. Huge, big hugs.

    Reply
    • Kathy (p/t writer, f/t mom) says

      December 27, 2012 at 4:30 pm

      xo. thank you.

      Reply

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CT writer humorist activist kathryn mayer

An irreverent storyteller with a foul mouth and big heart, Kathryn Mayer (also known by Kathy and Kate), is a writer, humorist, and activist writing out loud with humor and grace about the little moments of life with big ripples, including parenting, social issues, midlife, and, sigh, gun violence prevention. Sometimes a big deal, sometimes not Mayer is national award-winning columnist, according to the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, and her essays have been recognized as Voice of the Year from SheKnows/BlogHer, named Best … Read More Here...

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