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Kathryn Mayer • Writing Out Loud

I write stuff down. writer • humorist • activist

Sugar & Spice my ass

December 3, 2014 by Kate Mayer 5 Comments

When you want to stab a miserable teenagerAt a meeting of the female minds, (a smartypants book club of wickedly smart women … and me) it was with great apprehension, but not much delay, that I broke my own personal protocol of fake-it-until-I-make-it, when someone kindly asked about my darling teenage daughter. A bit too quickly, I revealed with much enthusiasm, how much I wanted to stab the little bitch with a fork.

“She’s such a brat! All the time! Selfish, miserable beast! Muttering and giving ME the stink eye over everything! Eye-rolling, foot-stomping, door-slamming – we took the door right off its hinges! I could seriously stab her. Frickin’ little brat, I could stab her with a frickin’ fork. Can’t stand her.”

Most were not surprised at this outburst, as I was often not the most poised person in attendance.

One friend abruptly placed her wine glass down, cleared her throat, turned, and arms crossed across her chest, glared at me:

“Kate, it makes me physically uncomfortable to hear you talk so violently about your daughter. I know her. She is quite frankly, a gem. I’m physically disturbed at what you say and how you say it. She is a young girl, and you should not speak like this, it’s not right. She deserves your respect, you owe her at least that much.”

Rage and embarrassment rushed up my neck and pooled in my ears. I heard nothing but roaring blood. But before I could fathom a response and (gulp) apology (??) for offending this woman, another voice spoke up.

“With all due respect, Melanie, you need to shut the fuck up.”

The room got quiet real fast. This was not an f-bomb dropping woman, this was a kinder, quieter, calmer mom who I greatly admire and have zero in common with.

“You have 2 BOYS. BOYS. You have absolutely NO idea what it’s like to have a teenage girl in your house – and Kate’s got three. So, with all due respect: SHUT. UP. You have no clue the beasts these girls become with little to no warning. No clue whatsoever.”

My savior (a mom of a 15-year-old girl) then turns to me:

“I totally get it: I say fork her.”


When a word is not what it seems, and you gotta tell her
Hurting in Newtown (repost)

Comments

  1. Alisa says

    December 4, 2014 at 1:26 am

    I was thinking the same thing. Shut the Ef up!!! Although, to my surprise, teenage boys are not any easier when they are sandwiched between girls. Wonder if it’s just the voodoo of the teenage girl??? Things that make you go hmmm!
    For what it’s worth, while those get togethers aren’t therapy sessions, they should be a safe place for women to vent together and just show some freaking comradere!!! I have learned they are not, nor are end of year soccer parties. Sometimes it’s best to pretend we live in 1950 and say, “oh, thank you for asking. That is so thoughtful of you for caring so much about how my family is doing. How is yours? Has Johnny stopped drinking yet?”

    Reply
  2. Erica G says

    December 11, 2014 at 2:41 am

    Ha! So is this what’s in store for me? I recently wrote about my tween daughter and I fear we’re not far off. Gawd.

    Reply
    • Kate Mayer says

      December 11, 2014 at 3:26 am

      stay the course; she’ll come back to you!

      Reply

Trackbacks

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    February 25, 2017 at 1:06 pm

    […] some more and more and more because who doesn’t want to save a buck and do you know I have three daughters – sometimes four, not counting my own two midlife melons, with a boob size in every […]

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  2. My kid asked me to go skiing so duh I said yes says:
    February 1, 2019 at 10:30 am

    […] when Kid2 invited me, I didn’t hesitate: you’re goddamn right I will because those teenage years were no picnic and now I get to hang with an awesome […]

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About Kathryn Mayer

CT writer humorist activist kathryn mayer

An irreverent storyteller with a foul mouth and big heart, Kathryn Mayer (also known by Kathy and Kate), is a writer, humorist, and activist writing out loud with humor and grace about the little moments of life with big ripples, including parenting, social issues, midlife, and, sigh, gun violence prevention. Sometimes a big deal, sometimes not Mayer is national award-winning columnist, according to the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, and her essays have been recognized as Voice of the Year from SheKnows/BlogHer, named Best … Read More Here...

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