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Kathryn Mayer • Writing Out Loud

I write stuff down. writer • humorist • activist

The financial rewards of having a boy going to prom

April 2, 2017 by Kate Mayer 30 Comments

LIttle brother with big sister on prom dayHe’s been dragged to prom pictures for his three big sisters for nearly ten years, but the day has come when it’s finally little brother’s turn for his own high school prom, and this mom is ready.

After successfully navigating prom season with three daughters who attended a combined seven proms, I began a new chapter of parenting, this time from the boy’s perspective, despite his very best efforts to keep me in the dark. (Wrote about the high clearance security necessary for his prom plans here, or the popular Scary Mommy syndicated the essay for their ga-million readers!)

Not our first prom rodeo

Here’s what I didn’t know about having a boy go to prom versus a girl, and the pleasant surprise of being the parent of a boy:

One stop shopping.

Literally everything but the socks come in a self-enclosed zipped locked garment bag, including cuff links and tie-tacks. Everything. Pick out your tux from a headless mannequin, fork over $130, show up one day prior for a quick try-on, and waa-laa. Done.

No parents needed: trying on prom tuxedoIt’s like a car wash. For tuxes. An assembly line of efficiency and affordability. No up-do or down-do or blow-out required. None. Shit, shower, shave. That’s it.

Ahhh, it’s good to be a man. Or the mom of a man-in-training going to the prom.

Instead of forking over big bucks for the manicure/pedicure, blow-outs, up-dos and down-dos, fake tans, bronzing creams, the big-black-hole that is Sephora for many, Target for mine, bobby pins, shoes-shoes-shoes, (tried on and returned, thank you Zappos), then bought, returned, bought, borrowed, squeezed, wedged, blistered – before running to the drug store for heel grips, toe grips, and clear athletic tape for blisters worth having, before the smartest of your girls dump them all for her Chuck Taylor’s cuz, duh, dancing.

And the accessories. Oh-my-friggin-god-prom-accessories.

hair stylist for prom hair means big bucksThe must-haves to go with the dress: the wraps, pashimas, purses, clutches, hair clips, ties, flowers, weaves, highlights, lowlights, ombres, earrings, hairbands, sparkling bangles, bracelets, chokers, and chains that make the outfit.

The prom dress is like buying a horse; it isn’t the expensive part; it’s all the extras that send you down the financial pit that is prom – if you have a girl.

The dress is the cheapest part, even if borrowed from a friend – you just don’t know it yet. Sure, it may be a couple hundred bucks, or on a discount rack for $30, but that’s before tailoring, hemming, straps added/removed, taking it in, letting it out, dry cleaning before and/or after, and the bra.

That damn bra.

Buying a bra for a prom dress to make the gown look like it’s supposed to, means shelling out more money on underwear than you spent on your first car.

Wanna skip the brassiere? No bra? Big problem, cuz that mean’s you’re forking over for a seamstress (marked-up term for women’s-tailor to charge way more for far less) to sew in a bra or fake boobs – or both if your daughter was born with my genetic make-up.

Think you’re saving money by forgoing the specialty seamstress bra or a down payment on the multi-strapped, convertible, bra-less, backless Victoria’s Secret option?

Think again.

fake boobs not inluded in prom dress

Minutes before the date arrives to whisk your daughter off to the prom, you will be driving all over town in search of chicken cutlet fake press-on boobs – WHO KNEW? – and/or bribing wiser, been-there, done-that mothers to borrow a swath of boob tape.

Boob tape is a thing.

Boob tape is a kinder, gentler version of duct-tape that prevents wardrobe malfunctions and/or nipple escape.

So, there is no boob expense, search and rescue shoe mission, cosmetics mortgage payment, up-do doo-dads, accessorizing magic, or jewelry venture capitalist contributions necessary when you have a boy going to prom.

Mom has a drink while helping her daughter get ready for promIn the mere hours before prom, there were no tears, no turmoil, no frustration, no boob malfunctions, no lipstick fights with a mom juiced up on Cosmos.

Instead, the boy, the fourth and final prom goer in our family, spent his pre-prom crunch time doing this:

CLEANING THE CAR. 

the only job a boy has to do before prom

Damn.

Prom-time perks of having a boy. Finally.

 

https://kathrynmayer.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/15945FEC-5DA1-4FF4-B2BD-90C375EAABD3.m4v

 

 


I’m an asshole parent because … prom.
How the green grass grows: kids chores make for good growing

Comments

  1. Jennifer says

    April 3, 2017 at 7:35 am

    hmmm….wondering why the trunk of the car needed cleaning before prom. Seriously, though just reading about the girl’s side of the prom brought horrible flashbacks. I’m so glad I had a son!

    Reply
    • Kate Mayer says

      April 3, 2017 at 10:17 am

      He was trying to get rid of the dead animal vapes that escape from his lax gear.

      Reply
  2. Linda says

    April 3, 2017 at 11:40 am

    Ah yes, my daughter went to four proms while in high school. She’s pretty sensible but still, the drama! I hope your son had a great time.

    Reply
    • Kate Mayer says

      April 3, 2017 at 3:13 pm

      He did, and so did I since we didn’t spend a fortune!

      Reply
  3. Kathy Radigan says

    April 3, 2017 at 12:57 pm

    I have a boy who is going to be doing prom this year. After coming from a house of girls, this has been a lot easier!!! We might buy a black suit, and do the tux shirt, or we may rent. Then that’s about it!! Yay!! Lol! Great piece!

    Reply
    • Kate Mayer says

      April 3, 2017 at 3:14 pm

      They grow up exponentially once you see them in that suit. Gotta admit it, lotsoftears here!

      Reply
  4. Laurie Stone says

    April 3, 2017 at 2:19 pm

    This was so funny. Having had two boys (one of which didn’t go to the prom), I have to live vicariously through mothers of daughters. I have to admit, it sounds like fun to have all those girlie things to fuss over.

    Reply
    • Kate Mayer says

      April 3, 2017 at 3:15 pm

      it is fun. expensive but fun! thanks for the read!

      Reply
  5. Paula Kiger says

    April 3, 2017 at 2:52 pm

    Having a boy (17) going to the prom for the first time, I HEAR YOU (I have an older daughter….). But I feel like I may have said all this already in my previous comment on your previous post! Anyway. YAY US!

    Reply
    • Kate Mayer says

      April 3, 2017 at 3:15 pm

      Enjoy the no-drama boy version, except with it, there’s no drama! ugh!

      Reply
  6. Roxanne Jones says

    April 3, 2017 at 4:14 pm

    Your recounting of the girl-prom drama is another reason I’m glad I never had kids. I’m in awe of your fortitude (and applaud your Cosmo consumption).

    Reply
  7. michelle says

    April 3, 2017 at 9:46 pm

    I only had to deal with one prom, my older son didn’t go and my younger one only went his junior year. I truly appreciate how easy it was for me. This is hilarious. 🙂

    Reply
  8. Kelly says

    April 4, 2017 at 12:36 am

    Mercy. I was getting my hair cut on Saturday and my stylist was running 15 minutes-ish late and she called the next appointment (an updo for prom) to let her know. The girl’s mother was NOT PLEASED. Ohhhh the drama. I will not be that mom. I will not be that mom…

    Reply
    • Kate Mayer says

      April 4, 2017 at 10:09 am

      Do not be that mom. That’s an entire other post: watching mom watch stylists do their daughter’s hair. UNfrigginbelievable!

      Reply
  9. Sarah MumofThree World says

    April 4, 2017 at 9:19 am

    Love it! My first prom-goer has their first prom in just under three months – and it’s my son! He’s not even sure he wants a tux. He might just want a normal suit that he can go on to wear for school next year. How simple is that? It’s five years (or maybe even seven?!) until I have to worry about my daughter going to prom. I’ll take careful note of all the potential boob problems and make sure we’re well prepared!
    #TweensTeensBeyond

    Reply
    • Kate Mayer says

      April 4, 2017 at 10:10 am

      Start saving now!

      Reply
  10. Kim Carberry says

    April 4, 2017 at 12:31 pm

    Ahh! I have two girls and I am dreading their proms.
    Last year my friend’s daughter had her prom and it cost a small fortune. Boys sound so much easier to deal with. hehehe
    #TweensTeensBeyond

    Reply
    • Kate Mayer says

      April 4, 2017 at 2:21 pm

      start saving now!

      Reply
  11. Kate Mahar says

    April 5, 2017 at 9:15 am

    Now, it’s been a while since my son’s prom days, but here’s what else I remember: since the girls, admittedly, bore the brunt of the expenses, the boys (in addition to the tux rental) bought prom tickets, a corsage and boutonnière, shared the cost for a limo rental with a few other guys, and paid for dinner at a nice-ish restaurant before the dance. Not that I would trade places, but . . . wait. Did I say the BOY paid for these things? Um, guess again! Still, what fun memories – enjoy!

    Reply
    • Kate Mayer says

      April 5, 2017 at 9:35 am

      Yeah, well, tix are $75 today, so thankfully, the kids each pay for their own. My kid did splurge the $5 each for the school bus they rented!

      Reply
  12. Janine Huldie says

    April 5, 2017 at 9:48 am

    I may still have some time with my girls only being in elementary school still. But damn, I am so in for it being the mom of two girls only a year apart when prom time does roll around for us!

    Reply
    • Kate Mayer says

      April 5, 2017 at 10:46 am

      And you know, they will never share dresses! Will never happen!

      Reply
  13. Midlife Dramas in Pyjamas says

    April 5, 2017 at 4:23 pm

    I have two boys and the eldest has already had his first prom. I have to say it cost a lot more than I was expecting: suit, shirt, tie, shoes and haircut! The good thing with a boy though is that it can all be used again: the shoes became his school shoes, the shirt and tie have also become part of his 6th form uniform and his suit was worn for his weekend job interview! On the day of the prom he was on his Xbox until half an hour before it was time to go – perfect! #TweensTeensBeyond

    Reply
    • Kate Mayer says

      April 5, 2017 at 5:53 pm

      He’s on the x-box, and his date was fighting with her mom! Guaranteed!

      Reply
  14. Sharon Parry says

    April 6, 2017 at 12:43 pm

    I have three girls! I have done two proms so far and I have one prom and one university summer ball coming up. I have many more to go! I absolutely loved reading the ‘male’ perspective on this – something that I will never get to experience!! Thanks for sharing this great post with us at #TweensTeensBeyond

    Reply
    • Kate Mayer says

      April 7, 2017 at 9:21 am

      He’s got three older sisters, so this was very refreshing after sending them to a combined 7 proms!

      Reply
  15. Jo - Mother of Teenagers says

    April 14, 2017 at 12:16 pm

    I loved this. My eldest had a prom a couple of years ago for his GCSE’s but this year is the big one when he leaves school. His tux etc is too small now but I am loving that it is so easy to just order the whole kit for boys and you are done. He was toying with the idea of whether he should take a “date” and said casually over supper that he had loads of time to decide at which point I felt I needed to remind him that girls like to have time to plan and not to leave it to the last minute. Anyway I digress but on the subject of girls I discovered tit tape recently for a function of my own. It is laborious but ingenious! Can’t wait to hear how your son got on! Thanks for linking again. #TweensTeensBeyond

    Reply
    • Kate Mayer says

      April 18, 2017 at 4:20 pm

      Tit tape for teens; duct tape for middle aged moms like me!

      Reply
  16. Nicky Kentisbeer says

    April 20, 2017 at 6:29 am

    Sounds like we all need to investigate the TT!!!! Brilliant post – and a well deserved easier ride for you. You’ve done good service. I have it all to come. No boys just the one daughter and I’m sure I shall be referring to your posts with a glass of vino in hand. Thanks for joining us again at #TweensTeensBeyond. Nicky

    Reply

Trackbacks

  1. The Financial Rewards of Having A Boy Going to Prom | Reality Moms says:
    May 17, 2018 at 9:14 pm

    […] This post originally appeared on Writing Out Loud. […]

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About Kathryn Mayer

Kathryn Mayer

An irreverent storyteller with a foul mouth and big heart, Kathryn Mayer (aka Kathy and/or Kate) is a writer, humorist, and (former) activist writing out loud with humor and grace about little life moments with big ripples, including the space between parenting and aging parents, social issues, angsty reflections of midlife, and, sigh, gun humpers. Still. Sometimes a big deal, sometimes not Mayer is a national award-winning columnist, according to the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, and her essays have been recognized as Voice of … Read More Here...

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