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Kathryn Mayer • Writing Out Loud

I write stuff down. writer • humorist • activist

You’ve been at this a long time

January 9, 2019 by Kate Mayer 12 Comments

Writer Kathryn Mayer hugging Newtown pillowThere were three of us standing around, after a meeting, chatting. Making small talk, about the elections, work, kids. One of the somebodies brought up my blog, commented they read something I wrote and really, really liked it (which I can never hear too much of).

She then asked what I’m working on now.

“Oh, I dunno. I’m trying to figure out what I want to do, and how to do it. If anything. The blog, the essays, I don’t know,” I answered honestly.

Most (if not all) writers lack self-confidence, and consider throwing it all in about a million times a day.

The other somebody, a woman I truly respect and actually like – a lot – chimed in, in a sympathetic, defeated, conciliatory way:

“Yeah, I can see that, Kate. You’ve been at this a long time.”

This friend interjected into the conversation without hesitation, if not outwardly acknowledging my demise, most definitely implying it.

Which put me into a tale spin that most (if not all) writers go into at least a million times a day.

Why bother? What’s the point? What if nobody ever reads this? What if it goes viral? What if I have to eat cat food when I’m old?

It got me thinking: no one says this to other artists.

No one says to my potter friend Karen Pinto: you’ve been sitting at the wheel for decades now, selling at local craft shows. Bummer, huh?

Caroline Harman, an abstract artist and my friend who is insanely talented and probably two shows away from being famous, no one tells her: Wow, you’ve been in the studio for years. Still not at MOMA?

My mom makes amazing, award-winning quilts. I call her a fabric artist because they are in fact, works of art. No one tells her, wow. You’ve been sewing forever, still not done?

No one says this to other professions:

Still teaching after 30 years? Wow, you’ve been at that a long time.

The researcher: All that time in the lab, still no cure for cancer. Bummer.

Lawyer: Still headed to court? Geesh, been doing that a long time, now. Still no justice?

Mechanic: Another oil change? Engine light on, that’s a shame.

Bummer, you still going to the gym? Every day? You’re still fat, why bother!?

Still hiking? Outdoors? Again? But there’s so many trails, so many trees. So much nature. How disappointing!

You get what I’m saying?

Just because I don’t have a book deal like the talented Rachel Basch and Kathy Curto, doesn’t mean I’m not a writer. That I don’t love what I do: telling the everyday stories that connect us all. I like it. A lot, in fact, and don’t mind that I’ve been at it a long time. I hope to be at it longer.

I attended a writing conference a few years back and chatted it up with a blogger I met on the bus. After the initial: Got a blog? Me too! What do you write? What do YOU write? We compared styles, topics, and revealed we were both nobodies: just regular people, not virtually famous or in-real-life famous, just plugging along, writing down the stories of our lives.

I confided to her, the stranger on the bus:

“I don’t know why this is, but every single time I hit submit, or publish my blog, I walk a little taller. I swear I do! I feel good, like I did something worthwhile. Like I made something.”

“Well that’s the best reason of all to keep at it, don’t ya think?” she wholeheartedly agreed.

I wish I knew her name, because I think about that exchange a lot, and need to remember that one conversation far more than the somebody’s offhand comment: “Well, you’ve been at this a long time.”

Just because I haven’t hit it big with a huge publishing deal or viral essay or rewarding endorsements, doesn’t mean I’m not proud of what I create. I love when people say, Hey, I read what you wrote about ______________. GOOD JOB. Or even YOU SUCK. Then add quickly, Hey, you should write about __________.

They read me. I made something that matters. I had words, ideas, thoughts, and brain droppings worth reading and that indeed makes me walk a little taller.

So despite the fact I’ve been at this a long time, here’s the plan: I’m posting once a week, and if you’d like to read my random brain droppings, sign up with an email and I’ll land in your in-box. I plan on emailing monthly, not weekly, but that could change if I get famous.

Kidding.

Maybe.

Not so sure FB and social media shares my content with any consistency, because she was indeed correct: I have been at this a long time and the algorithm may have me shelved with other expired has-beens. So plug in your email if you’d like to, and by all means, if you read something you like, share it. Tell me. And if you see something you don’t like tell me that too. It helps me be taller.


New Year, who dis? What’s on your list?
Not everyone is cleaning out their closets

Comments

  1. Karen Hug says

    February 7, 2019 at 10:52 am

    I love this, tell it like it is. We are all writers, no matter what, those thoughts swirling around inside our heads that never make it to paper, maybe they should, maybe they shouldn’t. Stand a little taller today, I enjoyed reading your blog.

    Karen Hug

    Reply
    • Kate Mayer says

      February 11, 2019 at 1:24 pm

      Gotta get it outta the head (and heart) and onto the paper. Or screen. Just gotta get it out! Thank you!

      Reply
  2. Ellie Hunt says

    February 10, 2019 at 12:11 pm

    I may not read you every week, but when I need a good chuckle or want to read something that makes me think, I know exactly where to click. Keep on writing…

    Reply
    • Kate Mayer says

      February 11, 2019 at 1:23 pm

      Many thanks for the thinks, much appreciated!

      Reply
  3. Gabi Coatsworth says

    February 11, 2019 at 10:26 am

    You’re so right. I write because I have to. But having someone read it makes it worth all the angst, the agony, the coffee…
    You write stuff that matters to people. I think we like to recognize ourselves n others – so keep at it!

    Reply
    • Kate Mayer says

      February 11, 2019 at 1:23 pm

      Thank you for reading, for commenting, and for your continuous kick-in-the-ass inspiration!

      Reply
  4. Stephanie D. Lewis says

    February 11, 2019 at 12:59 pm

    Hey you, I just adored this and especially how you parallel it to all the other professions. I couldn’t help but add this one in my head, having six children….

    Mother: Still raising those same kids? Wow, 18 years—Sometimes you gotta know when to cut your losses and just move on.

    Sharing this piece!

    Reply
    • Kate Mayer says

      February 11, 2019 at 1:24 pm

      Many thanks Stephanie!

      Reply
  5. Calleen says

    February 19, 2019 at 7:30 pm

    I have to admit, I had fallen behind keeping up with your posts. But tonight, as I sit uncomfortably on the daybed in my home office, my guy leaning on me as he suffers from a fever, I read, outloud, all of the posts I had missed and played the Video of you reading the story of your parents’ flooding basement. We both laughed and before I finished, my guy said, “She writes really well. She’s funny! I enjoyed that. Any
    More?” So proud of you, Kate! Keep doing what you do so well and, more importantly, what you love to do! ❤️

    Reply
    • Kate Mayer says

      February 20, 2019 at 8:55 am

      thank you, and thank your guy! hope he feels better soon!

      Reply
  6. Nancy Dobbins says

    February 24, 2019 at 8:37 am

    Hi Kate,
    I was out in the blogosphere searching around for women bloggers and found you…I’m new at blogging and am using it as a way to process through my new retirement and share my journey.
    I related to this post even though you have been writing longer than I and are more accomplished.
    I wonder every day if anyone is out there reading my stuff at all, if they are finding value in it, if all this hard work is worthwhile (because writing and blog publishing IS hard work!)
    So it found your comment that you stand a little taller every time you publish heartening. I feel that, too. When I push that button I feel pride in my product and a sense of accomplishment.
    For now that needs to be enough, I think.

    Reply
    • Kate Mayer says

      February 27, 2019 at 10:31 am

      Glad you found me, read, liked it enough to comment. Best of luck with your writing! You’ll find the blogosphere full of welcoming and helpful people (and a lot of dickheads too, but ignore them).

      Reply

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About Kathryn Mayer

CT writer humorist activist kathryn mayer

An irreverent storyteller with a foul mouth and big heart, Kathryn Mayer (also known by Kathy and Kate), is a writer, humorist, and activist writing out loud with humor and grace about the little moments of life with big ripples, including parenting, social issues, midlife, and, sigh, gun violence prevention. Sometimes a big deal, sometimes not Mayer is national award-winning columnist, according to the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, and her essays have been recognized as Voice of the Year from SheKnows/BlogHer, named Best … Read More Here...

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