There is not a school community untouched: kids not old enough to see Rated R movies or drive a car are sexting: taking videos and pics of their parts and sharing with one, or some. Then some more.
Kids think they are flirting. Or sexy. Or competitive. Or hot. Or cool.
Schools and police deem it criminal.
Immune/oblivious parents adopt a mob mentality on social media to crucify the minors, the parents, and the schools.
Careful, perfect parents. Careful.
Before you blame the kids, parents, or school, the moral character or slutty girls or horny boys, or God, video games, and apple pie, you might want to take a little look-see on your perfect darling’s device: the group chats, snapchats, instagram, vines, kik, and whatnot. Read the posts and the comments. Prepare yourself.
You didn’t do anything wrong, and here’s the thing: neither did they.
They are teenagers behaving badly, needing a short leash, limitations, and an awkward, eye-opening conversation about consent, compliance, sex, respect, women, exploitation, love, and all that gray stuff in between.
And because the current laws vilify our frontal lobe challenged youth, a What-You-Need-to-Know-About-Child-Pornography-for-Dummies should be thrown in for good measure.
Until the gray matter between their ears catches up with the hormones raging between their legs, therein lies the problem.
Sexting may be, in some opinions, in poor, irrational taste. It may be immoral, unethical and lead to sexual exploitation of unsuspecting parties. It may prove embarrassing and humiliating and costly.
But, in my humble mom opinion, this is nothing new.
It is normal, horny teenagers behaving in a normal, horny way, albeit with cutting edge technology leaving a digital footprint and a permanent record.
For kids being stupid, irrational kids.
Experimenting. Pushing the limits. Putting themselves, and sadly, often unsuspecting others, in situations they neither asked for or wanted.
Is sexting a healthy portrayal of human sexuality in a safe venue that doesn’t cause STIs, HIV, or pregnancy? Maybe. Maybe not. Are girls and boys exploited, taken advantage of to someone’s immediate pleasure (financial, sexual, social)? Probably. Are parents panicking? Absolutely. Are teachers and administrators looking for anyone to blame so that the buck/lawsuit does not stop there? Probably.
And are police and lawyers, judges and juries grasping for someplace to lay blame, suit, cause, effect – a round peg in the square hole of litigation. Sexual reference implied, not guaranteed.
This has been happening forever; but now, in this digital age, in some states, in my state, it is a federal crime.
Back in the pre-cellphone time of my childhood, I vividly remember going into Charlie’s Garage with my gear-head, grease-monkey dad.
Walking past the bays with cars hoisted high in the air, into the back office, with cigarette smoke heavy in the air and girly calendars adorning the cement blocks walls. Didn’t matter if the year turned once, twice, or a decade, the walls stayed dressed with nearly naked photos, calendars, post cards, and pin-ups.
I remember thinking they must be cold. Why were they so naked? Outdoors? On the hood of a car? And why did their butts show but not their boobs?
I didn’t think it gross. I thought it weird.
A little older, say 11 or 12 maybe, I remember a barn boy or neighbor asking for my dad’s Playboy magazines. Somehow they knew about them, and they’d pay in Yodels or Charleston Chews or maybe even there was a transfer of money – I don’t recall. But I do remember going into the basket next to the toilet, and pulling out the Playboy and delivering.
He didn’t want it for the articles.
Tantalizing. Off limits. Sex. Sexist. Weird. Uncomfortable. And somehow elite, in a very weird way of haves and have nots. We had, others did not, but wanted. Capitalism at its American best; a successful a business venture. No one arrested me; judged me, sure. But cops were not called. Lawyers not retained. Lives not ruined.
Is sharing naked images via text or social media any different? Or very different?
Families today have more to worry about. Criminal charges. Child pornography. Felonies. It’s criminal what is happening: the ones that post, the ones that share, the ones that view.
I’m not saying they get a gimme; a get out of jail free card. I’m saying, for the most part, they don’t deserve the Do Not Pass Go [Puberty]; Go Directly To Jail permanent designation. For the most part, these kids know not what they do; they just do.
Because they are teenagers. Young, undeveloped, immature brains and irrational emotions trapped in hairy, emerging, sexual bodies.
It deserves our utmost attention. We owe it to our kids to explain, to the best of our ability, the consequences of being irrational teens, and hope the laws catch up before more victims emerge from behind and in front of the camera.
Experimentation. It’s what teenagers do, and have always done, without the technology that gets them arrested, convicted, and labeled as a felon. Forever.
It is funny…because really the feeling/emotions/hormones haven’t changed—just the avenue to express them. jodie
http://www.jtouchofstyle.com
#midlifeblogger
Exactly! Thx for reading!
Amen to this! Well said. Sharing with my parent group.
Thank you!
Thanks for airing this topic so openly, Kate. I really appreciate your compassion for the kids who get caught up in this – I agree with you that it is so much bigger than they are. They are working with tools that have more power than they know what to do with – I mean both their own sexuality and social media – and, when combined, it is exponentially that much more challenging. I feel lucky I didn’t have to negotiate these paths as a child! As a parent, I take it as my responsibility to protect my kids as much as possible and give them values that will help them make choices in life that can bring them real happiness. As you wrote, it’s not easy navigating this culture of information overload. Blessings, Reba
Bottom line is they are kids; still learning and growing from their successes and mistakes. Thx for the read & generous comment!
I agree! Nowadays kids just have too many options that give them the opportunity to take things to the next level. What saddens me the most are the poor girls that send out selfie nudes to boys. It inevitably is used against them and can scar them for life.
agree 100%. absotextinglutely.
You are my hero, Kate. Wish you were running for president.
At least somebody likes me. Takes a village, I’m only one small, fragile link in a chain.
Distinguishably agree! The law should also look at it from the yours’ suggested angle. Falling prey to Felony and Juvenile crimes are getting common day by day. The civic administration and the parents must involve from the view, What it takes a particulate attention to Shape them well in career or civil life advancement. Rest maternal care is no less antidote!!
thx for distinguishbly agreeing!!
It is a complicated world parents & schools have to navigate teens thru. Glad it is long behind me. Some teens differentiate what they will do, expose themselves, experiment and some just let abandon rule. Maybe it has always been this way, just the scene has expanded.
complicated indeed!
Really provocative and interesting perspective. Yes, teen years are for experimentation and that’s as it should be. No we shouldn’t demonize them but we do have a job to do and that’s the educate them fully about the power of the tools in their hands. I think that’s where we are still needing some work. Good post, though.
Agreed! We absolutely need to educate them, parent them, and discipline them; that’s our job. And it legislatures jobs to make sure dumbass teenagers aren’t criminalized for being dumbass teenagers. Thanks for the read and generous comment!
Oh Kathyrn this is along the same vein as a post from Jeremy @ThirstyDaddy. It is such a minefield and our teenagers do have to be careful and here in the UK it is also a crime. A boy in my son’s year has had his life ruined at the tender age of 17 for sharing an image sent by his girlfriend. It is so tough nowadays. We must tell them to be cautious in the meantime. #TweensTeensBeyond
Thx for the read; laws gotta catch up w the tech
visiting from #teenstweensbeyond where I linked up a post also about this topic. As much as we would like our kids not to be stupid, its important to remember how dumb we once were also. A little more common sense needs to be used sometimes by adults who think that they can stop teenagers from being, well, teenagers.
Absolutely agree!
I think perhaps our generation gets freaked out about this because it is so different to our own teen experience. I agree that authorities are floundering too. Trying to do the right thing but not knowing what it is! Thanks so much for sharing at #tweensteensbeyond
Yes very similar post to Jeremy’s and equally interesting (and worrying). Definitely an area to keep on top of – for everyone’s sake. Thanks for sharing with #tweensteensbeyond